No No Dear 1976 Poem by Terry Collett

I'm Blue
I'm a mental nurse
well I'm not mental
I'm a nurse who deals

with mental patients
and this is one
of the female wards
(no male and females together

for obvious reasons)
o yes they would
take my word for it

and no male nurses
on the females wards
for reasons in case
you never know and anyway

it's best believe me
mind you I do go to
the male wards sometimes
but that is different

well I am anyway
but this is Moon Ward
and that is Angel
don't be deceived

she may look like an angel
but she drowned her
two twins daughters
in the bath

and her husband
was away on business
and that was that
and she said they were demons

and she was doing God's work
and then of course
she went and strangled
one of the nurses here

and so we don't go in
alone to talk with her
and she can talk
and sometimes she's

as lucid as day
and other times she's not
and rambles on about
not seeing her husband

who is sometimes
a famous dancer
and sometimes he's
the brother of Al Capone

and once he was
the male nurse on Star Ward
who she'd seen in the grounds
one sunny day

and never be deceived by her
she can appear quite
the darling and sweet
but she can do things

to make you have nightmares
you see that thin woman
over by the radiator
well she's had her

in the female bogs
a few times only last week
she was trying to
have it away with her

poor girl
now stand here a minute
and watch her
no not too close

that's right now watch her
o yes she always wears
her dresses up high
sometimes it's barely

an inch from her knickers
and sometimes
she don't wear them
that's why there's no

male nurses or she'd
have them as quick
as lightening
see her?

she's fingering at you
I think she likes you
just stand steady
try and ignore her

in a nice way
there see she's turned
her attention to the tubby girl
that girl's called Princess

on account of her thinking
she's a princess and does
her waving hand stuff
and wants you to curtsy

but look at Angel
see she's moving to her now
no don't panic
they're ok

see how Angel works?
She's a smart one
calm as you come
she had her in bed one morning

when we came around
hugging her she was
the night nurse must
have been asleep or something

or she didn't care
or didn't want the hassle
of getting Princess
out of the bed

or Angel would go off her trolley
now watch her
Angel can be a real dear
see how she's holding her

putting her hand
around the Princess's waist
o yes she does that too
no no Angel

not here not now
no no dear.