My Mother's Keeper Poem by Claudia Krizay

Drowning in the abyss of depression
Profound beyond comprehension-
Alone in her plight
As a barren tree alone in the forest
Fallen by the wind on a stormy summer’s night.

There she lay upon her bed
Frighteningly silent and still
Her sobs were vigilantly quiet,
Though I could hear her tears screaming
Echoing within the confinement of my mind.

She lay still, her mouth open,
Though she didn’t speak-
Although the expression on her face
Spoke to me as terrifying and hopeless-
Upon the queen-sized bed
Her spirit, dying, her soul tortured and evaded-
There lay my mother.

Ordered not to leave this room,
And to follow her if she rose from her suicidal state
To stop her if she made any attempt to take her life-
I was her nurse and assigned to be her keeper-

On a beautiful afternoon in early May
I could hear the chorus of a nightingale outside the window,
If I were to turn to look out this window just to see
Cherry trees blossoming on this spring like day-
If my mother were to die if I were to leave this room or simply
Turn my head to admire the mystical beauty of the spring-
I would be held responsible-

I feel not only my mother’s agony, But my own as well,
Tears are welling up inside of my eyes-
Reddened and bloodshot from last night’s sobbing-
Life has been unfair to my mother but
I feel also that God has slighted me-
For I was assigned by my own father to be my mother’s keeper-
I felt a fatefully horrific pain nearly strangling me-
Truth and fear being beyond belief, as
I was only twelve years old.