Lying To Myself Poem by Jayne Doe

Why did you make me doubt myself
Why did you make me try
To be somebody that I'm not
I cannot find out why

You did not answer to my call
Or return my smile
So I pulled back the things I gave
And did not give a while

Soon I called again for you
Yet you seemed not to care
The second smile that I sent
Seemed to get lost in the air

I thought perhaps that you were busy
That's why you disappeared
But now I'm not so certain
They say you're mostly there

I wanted to call again, one time
I had things to share
But I told myself, put it on a shelf
She likely won't be there

I try to tell myself sometimes
That I do not wish to call
But deep down I know
That it isn't true at all

I'm lost between the part of me
That wants to call, say hi
And the part of me that's certain
You won't be there if I try

They tell me not to care so much
I try to let it go
I try to find the you in me
So my calling will not grow

I try to be somebody which I know I'm not
And I think I now know why
I'm scared I'll meet another you
Who won't answer when I smile