you hold your breath
but not for long
for tonight is the night
you will soon be gone
you say your dues
you wish me well
too bad i was the one who fell
i fell in love
but you dont care
you took my all
and left me bare
you watched me cry
you heard my dreams
but what i dont understand
is why you would leave
alone i am now
because you choose her
forever in doubt
because love does hurt...
Your peice of writing is, 'jumpy' and all over the place. Imagine a river. that is what your poem should be like. You have a good story, but with some tunning, it'll be great.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
I like this.Its short but the short ones are always the best.