Lives That Matter Poem by Vonnie Postit

i really do not know how to speak
around you, beautiful woman.
i have never thought about
reality with you
i do not know how to say
simple words strung together
in perfect sentences
that would make up for
thousands of years
of people with light skin telling you
that you are not worthy to be in your body.

i'm sorry the first sentence of
this apology letter mentioned
your body.
your body is not safe in your homeland
i do what i can to learn what it's like
to have dysmorphia with your country.

i wish i could guard your body
but bodies that look like mine
have always treated you otherwise
shrinking you, changing you,
keeping you controlled
and under attack;
on edge.
im afraid i carry that with me,
so when i reach out to you
my fingers look more like knives.

i need you to know that today
i heard the name Nathanial Johnson
and felt something breaking down
like walls that are placed on borders,
collapsing, money, collapsing, brilliance,
sadness, collapsing, shame
to be replaced with black art.

i will never understand you,
your love of podcasts or
how you walk with your best friend.
i will never understand
the complexities of your body.

but i will try and respect
the sanctity of what your body means
and will remember the names
of people whose bodies were
betrayed by their time.
this is an apology to you,
woman of skin
like nightfall and royalty,
and this poem is a sad,
country song for
Nathanial Johnson
who never got his chance to sing.