If God Finds Me Here In Distress Poem by Aldo Kraas

If God finds me here in distress
I will blink my eyes
And hope that he
Finds me here.
The month is gone
I can do nothing about it
I am sure that there are a lot of poets living with depression
I feel a little guilty about it.
Everything that I love has been put on hold
I hope that I have a quick recovery
Because I need to be back home
And on my own two feet again.
From the hospital window
I can see the CN Tower
And what a beautiful view it is.
If God finds me here in distress
I will not cry in front of him
- so many people told me that I am
A wimp
And I don't believe that
- neither does God.
If God finds me here in distress
I hope that he will be loyal to me
- I am loyal to him.
If God finds me here in distress
Day or night
I hope that it will end
Because I am tired of suffering.
Please believe me God
I am telling you the truth.
If God finds me here in distress
I hope that he will help me change
Because I want to live without sickness
And know what I have been paying for
All this time.
Can you tell me?
Because I don't think that it is fair
Do you God?
If God finds me here in distress
I hope that he can heal me soon
Because I have been praying for that day to come
For a long time
God why can't you do that for me now?
I know that I have been a pessimist
Or said the wrong things
But I feel that I have been paying for it, for too long
God can you tell me when I will stop paying for it?
Maybe God, I was cruel to you
Is that what you are trying to tell me?
Do I need to accept it?
Do I have to carry the blame?
God I think that you are being hard on me
Is that true?
If that is not true
Than it is a lie
That we must forget
Before it hurts me and you.
To be honest with you
None of us wants to be hurt
I understand God that I am not the only one here on earth
So I will put it to rest now
And wait for you to heal me
When the time is right.
Yes, my God, did you hear what I said?
If you didn't, maybe I didn't say it loud enough
For you to hear.
God, I don't know if I will be stuck with this sickness
That has taken it's toll on my heart.
Is this how I have to live my life?
Is this how you want me to live my life?