I Am Not What I Seem Poem by connie crane

I feel so small,
So unable,
So inept.
From inside of me,
I have viewed the world
And wept.

No one would know,
To look at me,
That I am not,
What they think they see.

I don’t have my act together,
I have no self confidence.
I am alone,
Behind the wall,
Of my defense.

You would not know to look at me,
That I am scared and so uncertain.
I hide here trembling behind the curtain,
Of my fear.

Hoping no one will suspect,
And Yet,
Tired of being here all alone.
Wishing I could find a home
Where I could rest in peace and safety.

I am afraid,
Because I don’t see how,
To get there to that place
Where no one is my enemy,
And nothing they do can ever hurt me.

I want to take you to my breast,
So I will not be so alone.
Yet, you might have the very knife,
From which I have tried to run.

You might be the one that says,
She is not what she seems,
We can not accept,
A fragile, helpless, child like her.

I would not want you to.
For I despise her.
She is little,
But she is vicious,
And she is mean.
Lashing out at an unsuspecting world,
With her anger,
And her pain.

So I will keep her,
Safely hidden.
I will keep her jealousy at bay.
You will not be troubled,
By her nasty temper,
Or the cruel things,
Her pain will cause her to say.

Yet here I am alone with her,
All twisted up inside.
For I am her and she is me,
Alone, behind a veil of serenity,
We hide.

How can I ask you for the love
My heart desires?
When I cannot even love myself,
Without judgment's fire,
Consuming me with loathing,
For a child so small and vulnerable
.
If I let you help me,
Won't that just prove,
That I am as small and as helpless,
As I have feared?