Treasure Island

Allan Gerard

Half Orphan~

A crime of passion embraced
When he looked upon her face
The laws will not stop this change
The moment he's about to take

And can we just be honest
That beyond any knowledge
You see there's another one so brave

This wave crashes with a promise
The stars will not give sway
The seed carried is paid homage
But not all have taken to this way

So death carry her far away
Cloak her in a shroud of darkened ways
The child has a vision of change
He peers out through her gaze

A couple she finds for him to raise
Deconstructed and about to journey
He may remember so wipe his memory clean
A mother's tears fall, creating a gentle stream
Goodbye my son as she sends him on his way

Now It's apparent these parents are only part me
My inheritance stripped away

One night I remember the grey
It's visit surreal but so vague

It wore Orion's belt around it's waist
Gripped me in fear as it tried to lay waste
That moment shattered, when I focused my way
My true form I did take

In absolute horror the truth was seen
In terror it trembled while trying to flee
I collapsed in fragments not ready for that change
But ready or not that change was made

I grow as I try to remember
I know because I piece together my being

Submitted: Thursday, January 16, 2014
Edited: Thursday, January 30, 2014

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

This is the prequel to the poem Her Words, My Promise.

Comments about this poem (Half Orphan~ by Allan Gerard )

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  • John Westlake (9/7/2014 3:08:00 AM)

    Fantastic. The pain and anguish stands out. The first line drags you in to the poem really well. Thanks for sharing. (Report) Reply

  • F. J. Thomas (7/31/2014 7:32:00 AM)

    A fitting prequel Allan; leaving one wondering, wanting to know. While the latter remains my favorite of yours thus far, this too is quite attention grabbing. (Report) Reply

  • Noreen Carden (1/30/2014 5:14:00 AM)

    A crime of passion embraced.Those five words grabbed me immediately and i was drawn into this childs anguish.I can only say that this is a wonderful poem.It is real and raw and a terrific read also a ten (Report) Reply

  • Noreen Carden (1/30/2014 4:42:00 AM)

    This is an incredible poem from A crime of passions embraced to I know because i piece together my being i
    was drawn into the child's anguish.A definite ten (Report) Reply

  • Ed Nigma (1/30/2014 3:32:00 AM)

    Thanks Everyone for all the great feedback! it gives me a lot to think about and work on. I appreciate you all taking the time to point out different areas that need work to bring about a clearer plcture for you as the readers while stengthening my weaker areas as a writer. Allan Gerard~ (Report) Reply

  • Shania K. Younce (1/30/2014 12:19:00 AM)

    I find that I understand what your getting at. I see softness in this poem. I saw it in the childs view. There is beauty in this peice. As the child becomes man and the man becomes child. Not in a bad way, always in the right way. I find it touching with fragmented light. Bien! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Fiona Schwartzinoff (1/29/2014 8:34:00 PM)

    Lovely poem... At certain points of the poem I was confused as to whether this was in past or present tense... Verbs seemed to switch between each. Besides that, it is great. I love the imagery of stars, especially Orion's belt. :) (Report) Reply

  • Matthew Roeser (1/29/2014 6:56:00 PM)

    Hey Allan, Just finished rereading this for the third time. I really like it. It has a raw intensity, an authenticity that reaches across to the reader. I especially like the line and can we just be honest, which has the effect of including the reader in this poem instead of the reader being on the outside looking in at a scene. The line But not all have taken to this way, also has the effect of summarizing a universal sentiment which is not easy to do. The transformation theme is very strong and comes across well and enabled me to empathize with the orphan and the real struggle to piece together an identity where one has it stripped away. The rhyming is good without being too forced. My only critique is as much as possible avoid cliches phrases, (I know this is hard for me to do as well) like waves crash, 'gripped me in fear' 'absolute horror', phrases that become so overused in our language that they become stripped of meaning. I know this because I do it all the time and then I read a really accomplished poet like Billy Collins or Robert Frost, or pablo neruda (great example is his poem 'If You forget me' where he puts words together that are unexpected so they have a crisper meaning, as in slow autumn ', 'impalpable ash', red branch' - although I must admit he does it too, as in wrinkled body', yet he freshens it up by associating with a log' which gives it a new twist.
    Keep writing. You have a lot of good stuff there. (Report) Reply

  • Brian Johnston (1/29/2014 9:32:00 AM)

    I especially like the last two lines Ed. Even children from 'happy' homes have to deal with 'fragmentation' issues.In my case it was because both parents were so heavily invested in their own dreams for my future, that it was difficult for me to even imagine I had a future that really belonged to me. So for a long time my future was simply what would not let either of them win, so that I might still get some love from both, even if they were disappointed in my choices. It took a while for me to find myself. (Report) Reply

  • S.zaynub Kamoonpuri (1/17/2014 1:55:00 AM)

    It must b hard n trying for orphans n adoptive kids to piece together their life n attach to their origins n roots. A great impresive poem in fine rhyme scheme. I hope u review my latest poem too. (Report) Reply

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