Growing Darkness (Rev) Poem by Margaret Alice Second

Doesn’t feel as if anybody has forgotten me, oh no,
much worse, it feels as if everybody should forget
about me as there’s nothing to tell, nothing’s worth
mentioning; my beloved explained that he doesn’t
have the energy to listen to my narrative - after that
who can I trust to listen - and who can I listen to?

I am losing my self-confidence - the world seems
perfect & people are loving & grand - but I am not
part of it, I don’t feel a thing - as if my feelings are
dead; the world seems to be out of reach, even my
kids, my mother, my twin sis, I can’t reach out to &
I can’t find words or interest, there’s nothing to say

I can’t discuss Velikovsky’s grandiose history-view,
the changes made to describe reality - the terrible
planetary events that led to the Exodus, & Israel’s
interpretation of righteousness - there’s no-one to
talk to because I don’t matter to anyone, and how
could I matter by feeling nothing; maybe, one day,

When my beloved listens to me my feelings might
come back again, maybe when I return to work my
colleagues will laugh and sing with me, helping me
rediscover my feelings again - living in silence does
not work for me, I could never become a nun - and
the silence grows into a hole - a huge black hole

In which nothing can grow, no feeling can live - I’m
empty & slow, struggling through the molasses of
thick nothingness, the world retreats & emptiness
devours everything - I can’t even cry over my loss
as no feelings survive in this growing darkness