Four Times Dying Poem by Bill Galvin

She bravely endured four deaths within one year.

First, the diagnosis of ALS…
A mind bender, a spirit crusher, a game changer.
A shocker, since she had held back Lupus for 35 years.
She grasped it at the time,
And predicted a grim and ugly future for us.
I told her I would take care of her, and if she wished,
She would leave this earth from her own warm home.
It was the first time we had to speak of dying.

Second, she lost use of all limbs quite quickly.
She needed assistance for all movement,
All hygiene, feeding, and relief of discomfort.
And, against character,
She was sometimes resentful of her dependencies;
But, largely due to her trusting nature,
And purity of heart, and angelic posture,
She eventually accepted her fate with dignity.
Intimacy became simply inaccessible,
And she made her unfulfilled desires known,
For she missed simple gestures such as touching a face,
Reaching out for a welcoming hand,
Puckering her lips to accept a kiss,
Or being able to run her fingers thru my hair once again.
No one could lie in her bed, frail as she had become.

Thirdly, she lost her ability to speak.
She resisted moving to the letter board
And tried so hard to keep her tongue and lips moving
For to form simple sounds,
And remain part of the world of human interaction.
Her trepidation that she’d lose touch with the world,
And fold to the frustration of half-hour-long sentences
Was real, as the woman with the quick laugh
Slowly lost her impulse to be translated.
Her prison walls closed in upon her
When speech was lost.
It was the final insult by that uninvited guest.

And, lastly, she lost her battle to remain with us.
Her passing simply a formality by this point,
We two were able to finish up our goodbyes
And communicate our final loving expressions.
She may have been waiting for me to accept,
Since I was still defending the gates;
Because I always worked as hard and as long as she did.

She thanked me for volunteering to be her cell-mate
Throughout this entire momentous experience.
She sent me her loving appreciation
For the comfortable home and beautiful life we shared.

She agreed to be my guardian angel;
I promised to protect her memory.

As we had traveled our 40 years together,
The true definition of soulmates,
Beginning with small hills on short trips,
Hiking from peak to peak, col to col,
From trail to fresh water mountain stream,
We traversed her last chasm hand-in-hand.
She managed to clear her last false summit
To enjoy the fruits of her labors,
Gaining the highest, clearest view mountaintop;
From her vantage point, she found her enlightenment
So long sought after.

The door was ajar;
I saw the bright light
Emanating from the other side of the door,
And asked the Attendant for a few more minutes
With My Love,
Before he invited her into That Room.

She lifted her eyes up toward me,
And managed a wry smile.

She took her last breath and became free and unbound.


2-27-2015