Endangered Horror Species Zoo Poem by David Welch

Alas, you may have noticed if
you've looked around the world these days,
you don't see werewolves or zombies,
no vampires or mummies at play.
The whole world seems to have lost that
thade of mystery we once knew,
The creatures that stalked us of old
have become remarkably few.
There's still a few out there, I know,
good old Dogman up in Michigan,
but for many of these creatures
their wild days have come to an end.
Now what's the reason for this loss?
What has brought about this strange thing?
That's easy enough to explain,
we humans are great at killing!

Yes, just as with normal animals,
we kill off what might be a threat,
something threaten might endanger out lives
is something that we can't abet.
So just like predators and small pox
we saw the job was done,
heck, we published how to kill them
in all of our horror fiction!
Stakes, silver, garlic, and headshots,
we let all the world know how to win,
to the point out nights have become safe,
free of all the creatures of sin.
But if you still want to see them
then I have some good news for you,
you can see them all down at the
Endangerer Horror Species Zoo!

Now we got ghouls, goblins, wendigos,
your Demons, your banshees, and sprites,
we got all of the B-team monsters,
but most folks come for the big five.
I guess we should start with the werewolf,
each must roam in his own separate pen,
their spacious and lined in silver leaf,
we don't want them getting out again.
The only ones left are the old ones,
so old they no longer transform,
they just stay werewolves all the time,
apparently this is the norm.
whatever the case, it's good for us,
people can see them fur and all,
through a foot-thick one way mirror
that forms the enclosure front wall.
These eight foot beasts eat messily,
yet people gather when they feed,
yhey act appalled by the whole thing,
Yet they consistently watch the scene.
And when those lycans howl loud
it pieces right down to the soul,
ten times the fear of a normal wolf,
the spine tingles, and blood runs cold.
But people like feeling afraid
so long as they know they are safe,
sometimes we'll drop a rabbit in there
so folks can watch the beast give chase.
Why do so few of these beast remain?
think silver bullets plus machine gun,
most of them now are heads on a wall,
we're luck to have more than one.

Besides them we have the zombies,
by far easiest to contain,
they spend all day shuffling slow
to the nearest pile of cowbrains.
We throw them in every few hours,
(The meat we give to the werewolves) ,
they chow down in an ugly frenzy
until their undead bellies are full.
Strange thing most people do not know,
they only moulder when no fed,
keep them eating, they'll go forever,
strangely immortal, yet still dead.
We got fifteen making the rounds,
from one of the last infestations,
hard to find since zombie sniping
has swept quickly across the nation.
They move so slow and one bullet
or blow to the head puts them down,
they're now shot like damn feral hogs,
where once they terrorized whole towns.
But it the good old USA,
with guns behind each blade of grass,
it was only a matter of time
before folks shot zombies for a laugh.
I can't say I'm too mad at that,
my great uncle died of their plague,
and it's not like they're all that useful,
just shuffling around in pain.
But people do like to see them,
stare their own future in the face,
they love and hate mortality,
it's a fate no one can escape.
Except, perhaps, these same zombies,
but they do so at a horrid price,
a sick mockery of mankind,
I'm telling you, they just ain't right.

Across from them is the ghosties,
the oldest spook that we have known,
left-over electric energy
from the body, when life has flown.
These guys are a bitch to lock up,
we must use a faraday cage,
surround them with magnetic fields
to keep them from getting away.
Matter will not pen these guys in,
their enclosures take so much power…
but people love them, keep coming back,
some folks sit and watch for hours.
Now most ghosts are ravenous fools,
dn echo of women or man,
Driven on to scare the living,
well at least the ones who are damned.
The better souls doing their time
before they reach Purgatory,
sometimes come up and wave at folks,
it fills little children with glee.
A few of them can even talk,
create vibrations in the air,
some even will give out advice
on how to avoid their despair.
Priests are known to come here with folks
to point out the wages of sin,
forgetting the good ghosts will move on,
it's just not yet their time to go in.
The raving ghosts we throw mannequins,
since they must have something to scare,
their minds too gone to know the difference,
or if they notice, they don't care.
So why do we keep ghosts in here
when by the day many folks die?
Well, you see, it's technology,
it tears them apart from the inside.
Since they are merely energy
all the fields from our gadgets and toys
scatter their essence all about,
it's a fate free ghosts can't avoid.
These ones here we were lucky to save,
and we need to find more all the time,
some go to heaven, others to hell,
each morn we know not what we'll find!

Nearby is the mummy's lair,
and it causes controversy,
some say that they shouldn't be here,
that they are just dressed-up zombies.
Others claim it's a magic thing,
which makes them a whole other clade,
I honestly don't' care that much,
the people come see them in spades.
Some were even Egyptian pharaohs,
though which, we're not really sure,
professors have tried to talk to them,
to see what history they can learn.
Hollywood has rented them out
for their movies, and they pay so well,
sometimes they seem to try to speak,
though what they say, no one can tell.
Most people like to hear them moan,
like they did in the films of old,
did you know mummies really do that?
And if they catch you they'll grab hold?
Sadly, they do not do much more.
We don't see them often these days,
not many folks still mummify,
and the old ones have been grave-robbed,
in the wild they don't survive.
Keeping them stocked up with linen
makes all the zookeeper's tired,
but let's down to the big show,
the place where we keep the vampires.

Now these guys are a unique case,
since they're not critters, but our guests,
they're sentient like human beings,
to lock them would be to oppress.
We build them big apartments here,
with a back-room facing the zoo,
we pay them to visit with folks,
and tell lots of stories to you.
Since vampires are immortal
so many great tales can they share,
want to know how Jesus Christ died?
Well our guy Julius was there!
They can leave any time of course,
some of them even punch the clock.
Wilhelm is a security guard,
walks the night shift like any cop.
Some thing, but won't he feed on folks?
It hasn't been that was for years,
since transfusions and blood banks came
there has been no reason to fear.
They no longer had to kill people,
staying alive didn't mean murder,
they'd get their pints, go on their way,
no reason to bite folks or disturb.
Things were looking quite good for them
through most of the nineteen hundreds,
until a new plague arose out there,
left nine out of the of them dead.
An incurable blood disease
that in the nineteen eighties came,
easy for vampires to get,
it killed them like us, slow, with pain.
We got our resident vampires
when we offered a clear blood supply,
legally, they're our employees,
and science advances all the time.
Soon we hope AIDs will be conquered,
and they all can rejoin to world,
but now just go up, shake their hands,
hear their tales of the ancient world.

Yes, we're open twenty-four hours,
and our rates are reasonable,
coupon days every first weekend
so all can enjoy this in full.
You can even become a member,
get our magazine six times a year,
see the monsters of ancient lore,
without having to run in fear.
You'll find no other place like ours,
come see things that most never knew,
you won't believe all you'll find at the
Endangered Horror Species Zoo