Ecstatic Misery Poem by Jo Beckett

I need to not know him now, for me to feel sane
He's my heroin, my ecstasy, and my crack cocaine
Heart thumping excitement and chemistry I can't deny
To deep sadness, and tears, I could cry until I die
He brought madness, exhilaration, passion and pain
He brought extremes of emotion too wounding to sustain
I am in ecstatic misery whenever our lives touch
Snatching away my peace, I loose myself, wanting him so much
With every fibre of my being I will him to want me
And am destroyed once again realising this will never be
He sprinkles confetti bombs and balloons of unworthiness and deceit
Playing games with my head as he sweeps me off my feet
Dripping images of my youth of now what will never be
I struggle back to my centre I struggle back to me
He has been the ache in my heart, which for my sanity has to go
Was it ever love between us, did either of us ever know?
Goodbye to you and the man you could never be
Goodbye from the woman you never really did see.
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UK 2005