Dissolving Me Poem by Robert Rorabeck

Your roots never charmed me
I did my best
to prefer the silence of numbers
laid out so I could see them
on my bed
the failures
show up on my hangdog
face
eaten into
scorpions
the burrowing of my
fears for you,
the hunger in my gut
for life
on the dead plane
OH GOD
the life’s ba@tard
I have you inside me
dehydrated
sunk, wounded
righteous
we both need HER
water inside us
OH GOD I can see her
for 3 days now
f-ing a big strong man,
occasionally thinking of
me
the #s I need out on my
bed, I need her to solve,
since the watering hole
of high school I’ve needed
her
since I saw her legs take
off on the runway
since she showed me
her pistol
and claimed to be some
great deciduous mathematician
seeded with numbers
the snow of chaos
in her eyes
her legs the easy reason
the swollen fulfillment
of my needing
bed
empty
bottomless
the night strains me
silence harasses me
and she repeats
in my eyes
scrolling
like a bad reception
human desire
divine creation
I swore not to
when I looked at my face
I know I cannot
OH GOD
I need her roots in
me, dripping sweat from
flesh
arms spreading on me
and her eyes back to
the origins
planning
understanding
solving dissolving
me.