Deep, Deep Silence: A Poem For My Father Poem by Tricia Mae Chua

My father lies motionless on a hospital bed,
His body slowly ebbing away.
With each weak heart beat
His brain falls silent,
Closing him in.
And yet, I feel nothing.
No aching emotion
No stinging pain of coming loss
No strong desire to be beside him.
Just an odd silence
From many miles away
Where I stand on a distant shore
And watch the inevitable finally occur.

Heartless daughter am I?
Thankless child and ungrateful offspring am I?
Ancestral gods of filial piety look down and frown at me.
Guilty as charged on account of my eyes
Dry and unstained with tears.
I wondered to myself why none would come.
I searched within myself but found no answer.
Only a silence deeper than I could imagine
One I alone could not fathom.

(March 31,2008/ 8: 36 PM/ Bowie, Maryland)