Daddy Issues Poem by Benjamin Feliciano

I found a book on the bus.
It was a thin 'Wild West' themed novel written in Spanish.
It smelled like the cologne my father wore
When I was young.
Funny I should feel inclined to note that,
And strange to have thought to say
'Mi padre' instead.
I can't say I'm in touch with my roots,
When I can scarcely stumble through the language.
I wish I did, I can say that much,
But I've never made much effort.
It's hard to show an interest in the land of your father,
When your father never showed interest in you.
I long to proudly say 'soy boricua'
And recite ethnic traditions, but I have none;
Save for the food my mother learned to cook
While she lived on the island.
I see my father everywhere,
In the faces of strangers
And in their salt and pepper hair.
But despite my thoughts of boy scouts
And father/sun outings,
I'm now a young man and on my own at 19.
It's never too late to get back in touch,
But after years of hatred,
I've just given up.
I stopped hating him,
If only to save the effort.
I can't remember why I started...
And only aching is the remnant.
I know there were arguments
And that sometimes I was wrong,
My irrational mistreatment of him
Mostly stemmed from angry music.
Something about the glorification of 'daddy issues'
Got me caught up in the fuss,
And things were made worse by my actions
And lack of trust.
I missed our nuclear family,
I missed my sense of security.
And when everything went to court
Things got dirty.
'Choose a parent', 'choose a side'.
Everyone was caught up in their own sense of pride.
Money is no object,
When you objectify your kids.
Constantly slandering each other,
That's not how I wanted to live!
I love my mom and knew I'd choose her from the start,
But when I told my dad I hated him,
I saw it break his heart.
Why am I so distraught
Over some old western novel?
I guess it has to do with me being another boring writer,
Who's upset about his relationship with his father.