Cravat-Less! Poem by Barry Van Allen

There is a purpose to the shoes,
we're glad that there are pants,
a shirt, we're mostly glad for that,
almost everyone is fond of sox,
... of course there are the briefs,
and then the boxers.

There is a purpose to a coat,
a bit of reason to a scarf,
the reason for the mittens,
and the gloves, we realize,
and hats, I even understand that.

NOW, will someone tell me why,
we wear the ties?

In days of old when knights were bold,
and napkins weren't invented,
some fluffy King in ruffled shirt,
determined that he needed that,
to keep the mutton off his face,
... Mel Brooks, was right of course,
... IT IS GOOD TO BE KING!

As King you can decree - - -
' Everyone should be as dumb as me! ',
' Let's all wear nooses ' round our necks! ',
- - - AND anyone that doesn't ,
- - - CANNOT be one of us!
... and WHY is it that we wear them still?

I almost misplaced the reasons ...

- - - We need something to keep repairmen busy,
as they are caught in our machines,
- - - They look best on the most impractical
of shirts, that being white, of course,
- - - If people walk around all comfortable,
then, besides their chaffing necks...
they may start wondering why you get paid so much,
for doing so little.
- - - It gives an 'up-and-coming' idiot a new
reason to be snooty! (He must insult your tie,
to prove his manhood, don't you know)
- - - BUT... there really is only one use for them,
- - - to put the noose to legitimate use,
on that 'up-and-coming' idiot!

After that - - - Ties have no use at all!