Chasing Shadows Poem by erie morganmaples

I'm outside, sitting,
sipping
the cheapest beer
I could buy
thinking of things
to write down
different ways
I can matter
to feel important
different women
whom I've loved
and made love to
whom have left
or phone me
every now and again
either way
left.
I'm outside
sitting
thinking
how I can be good
no, great
until the end
not to climax
young
and live a life
trapped
in memories
but to stay great.
Maybe I'll just
chase my shadow
for the rest of my life
or spill my guts
on different paper I buy
or fall in love
and make love
over and over
until the skin
turns hard
grey
and wrinkles
look in the mirror
and search for that spark
in my own eyes
sift
through the exhaustion
to find that spark.
I make my bed
every night to sleep
and think
‘sleep when I'm dead'
and every once and a while
I'll stare back at myself
in my bathroom mirror
and make sure that spark is there
behind my eyes
I live in fear
that I won't see it one day