Bumpus Haha's Very First Car Poem by Roy Davenport

Old Bumpus HaHa who lived alone in HaHaville
Drove an old horse and buggy each day to the mill.
He was a miserly old HaHa who saved every cent
And was known to the HaHa’s as an old skinflint.

He’d had that old horse since that horse was a pony
but he fed him so little, the poor thing was all scrawny.
Then one day he decided to put Old Buttercup out to pasture
He said I think I’ll buy me a car, one that’s bigger and faster.

So he unhitched Old Buttercup, put him out back of the barn
And said a car’s what I need with all its bells and alarms
He put the buggy in the shed, got his cane and started walking
To get a deal on a new car would really take some talking.

He walked all over town looking for just the right spot
To find a selection of cars with prices that were hot.
Then he saw a sign about the latest in new cars
They were Slugmobiles… and a hit with the stars.

So Bumpus went to see them, on the outskirts of town
there were dozens of Slugmobiles in two shades of brown
He said what does it cost, can you give me a good deal?
The salesman said “ten thousand Habucks, and that’s a real steal.”

Bumpus kicked the tires, he looked under the hood and seats.
And said, “Is all of this needed? Anything we can delete?
“I suppose the seats could go, but are you sure, he was asked twice?
so they pulled out the seats and Bumpus said now what’s the price?

Eight thousand HaBucks, the man said and still quite the deal
How about these, Bumpus said, as he again kicked the wheels?
You want to take off the tires? That’s like a tree with no limbs.
But I suppose it would work, you can run just on the rims.

Then Bumpus looked at the lights, “do I really need these”?
I’ll just drive in the daylight, could you remove them please.
So they took off the lights along with the seats and the wheels
It’s still six thousand Habucks and that’s my very best deal.

Bumpus walked to the front and pointed under the hood
At the Slugmobile motor and said does this do any good?
How would it run? You need the horsepower of course
Unless you plan on pulling the Slugmobile by a real horse.

Bumpus smiled and he said that is precisely what I plan.
Now what is the price? “It’s still about four grand”.
Bumpus pounded on the body, made of the finest of steel
And said, “pull this thing off, just leave the frame if you will”.

Now everyone stares as Bumpus cruises ‘round town
In his new Slugmobile that’s been slightly stripped down.
And his oat-fed engine keeps clopping along hour after hour
Providing dependable speed from exactly One-Horsepower.

2001