Broken Again; ( Poem by Gold Trybes

Three years on, sadly, am having to write u a letter straight from my heart. I am doing this so as to clear my conscience and let posterity be the judge. When I met u, I was hoping for a brighter
day, a brighter future, a hope that could not be quelled with despair. I was hoping that I had finally had an answer to all my worries. I wasn’t looking for any quick fixes, neither was I looking for any short stint. What I hoped for and what I wanted was, to live my life with you in hopes that we would build a home together, have our own children and live happily ever after. To think that we even dabbled into the names of what our kids might be called by brings back emotions but such is life. Sometimes life hands u more than u can chew at a time.

Omolade, I never in my wildest imagination ever thought I would one day be sitting here, painfully so distraught thinking about what was. In love, I have been dealt a huge blow each time I gave my heart. I have always given my everything, wore my heart on my sleeves each time but all through my past experiences I have lost. I have lost despite being a good guy. I have lost despite giving all of me. That I would think that I would ever write u this kind of mail is beyond my understanding but in all things, God says, give thanks.

I give thanks for the time we were together. I give thanks for the joy we shared. I give thanks for the love we shared while it lasted but still, I am at a loss why this happened. I would think that no matter what happens that we would be there to fight it through everything but u threw in the towel and left me in a rude shock. Now am torn between the devil and the deep blue sea. Now I am left all alone in my world to figure out everything that happened, man up and pretend like nothing ever happened? Yet no one sees the heartaches that am going through. All they see is a mask, a mask of my hidden pain. A mask masked to mask my pain.

I leave it all to God. This isn’t the decision I prepared for or wanted but in my mind, I could tell your mind was made up. Just want u to take a minute to remember everything from the beginning to the end. Remember the times, as imperfect as they were that we both laughed, and shared thoughts and hope for a future together. Take a minute to remember how many times over I said I loved u in a day through my text messages, phone calls and in person and how much i really meant it when i looked into your eyes and said i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Take a moment to remember when it felt like bliss spending time together. Take a moment to think about the many promises we both made to each other. Take a moment to think about how many times u wore that ring as a symbol of my love for u even though I wasn’t the one who bought it for you. Take a moment to think about days when we had nothing, when it was tough and hard but still we pulled through. Take a moment to think about days we’d fast together, pray together and sing together. All of these you have decided to throw away becos of a decision that seems perfect to you to take. Whatever informed your decision, I wouldn’t know but one thing stands clear, that if I had to do it again, I would.

I have been in complete thought since u told me your decision. Yes I have cried but I will be over it. I have not been able to sleep for weeks now so its not news anymore if i told u that since that call, i have yet to sleep. I have just called off work for tonight. I’d rather be home and think myself to sleep than be at work and be at the mercy of some pity party.

I have been around for some years and I have had my fair share of pain. This is one I wished never happened but am not God. I can propose. I can say all I want. Shout on the roof tops what I need but it’s for the Father to hear me. I would say this boldly that, I still do love you inspite of everything that has happened but as you want it, so be it but I will be clear, I was never looking forward to a day ever like this, when I’d ever be saying goodbye. Not my wish but your wish. What I had ever hoped for was to see u carry my baby. I nursed this dream with you but somehow, some way, this dream looks to be aborted.

Once again, I will recoil into my shell and hope that the mercy and favor of God finds me a good woman that will be mine. I am not perfect., and never have claimed to be. I have too many shortcomings and I have always admitted them but I know I do deserve better from you inspite of whatever situation you may have found yourself in. I opened up about my entire life to you and I thought your burdens were mine’s but u shook me out of that thought with your admittance of breaking up. Three long years just went down for nothing! All the sacrifice! All the time! Ha! It is well. I am very heart broken. My heart bleeds as i write this words. I am distraught but in it all, His will, Lord’s will, will be done.

So long..