Blaming You Doesn'T Get Me Very Far Poem by beautiful imperfection

I can't get this off my mind and it's tearing me up,
I try to let go but it all comes crashing back again.
I try to deny how I feel towards you,
I try to ignore the pain,
but I can't pretend it's not there anymore.

I know you love me, and I know it's not my fault,
but it's hard to get that knowledge into my broken heart.
I try to blame you for everything I feel,
I try to say it's you who ripped me apart,
but in my heart, I know that's a lie.

I let the drama in my life come before God,
and that caused me lots of pain,
I tried to blame it on you,
to keep myself from going insane,
but it only made things worse.

Now I see that the pain I felt was self-inflicted,
it was all my fault,
I was looking for happiness in all the wrong places,
meanwhile keeping my feelings locked in a vault,
which only resulted in a meltdown...or two...or three...

Now I see the truth, but I'm fighting within,
I still want to blame you for everything I feel
and ignore the truth
I know is real:
I still love you.