Birthday Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Today, I am nearly six.
I am ten steps up the stair, looking in
Through the parlour door at a party.

I am bad as bad can be.
I have not been the perfect hostess,
Sweet as a chocolate smarty.

I am a black shark's fin on a chintzy china sea.
A Shirley Temple of girls is worshipping my cake.

I have dreaded this day all week.
Mother is raging. 'The things I do for your sake,
No nice pink frock when I was wee.
You could pretend to be grateful.
The hours I've spent on invites, icing, games,
Sulk then. Go sit on the stair.
We'll have a party without you.
Don't blame me if the others call you names.'

Today, I am newly six.
A circus of giggling girls
Is ritually passing the parcel,
Is whooping and laughing and yelling.

I am ten steps up the stair.
I am bad as bad can be.
From my two bad eyes, two hot wet tears are spilling.
I am wrapping my arms round my sides to hug me better.
I want to rub myself out, like a squiggly letter.

In my two bad eyes, the sadness drops keep filling..
I am dressed like a lamb on a sacrificial plate.
The jellies are spiked with spite, are laced with hate.

I am newly six. I am bad as bad can be,
Sitting way out on a limb, at six, sixteen or sixty,
Feet of clay, and a heart of rusty tin,
Ten steps up the stair,
On the outside, looking in.