As I Sit Here Poem by Estefano Molina

As I sit here
in this desk
I'm here but not here
People come in and out
they ask me for things
and I answer politely
come to me with small talk
and tell them how nice the weather is
but I'm not here
I don't like being here any longer
this routine
this job
the stress
it's getting to me

As I lay here on my sofa
I stare at the ceiling
immobile
I forget to breathe
and don't remember where I am
I forget I'm here
and no one comes in
no one knocks
or asks about me
I wonder if they know I'm here
or maybe they think no one is here
even worse they might know I'm here
but they don't care
because I'm tired of being here
their is no need for me
I have met my limit of usefulness

As I stand here
in the middle of this field
the only thing that made me happy
lost it's power
I run there
run back
watch as the others do the same
I go through the motions
but it doesn't work anymore
not like it used to
it finally sinks in
and I know I'm not supposed to be here
I don't belong here anymore
I'd rather go sit


As I sit here in this bench
and watch the leaves fall
autumn is here but I'm not
I wonder where all this went
and if I'm actually here or there
I'm somewhere in my head
endlessly running
I'm exhausted of sitting
and confusing myself
tired of the lying
the cheating
the egos
the failures and expectations
I'm tired of these people
and getting trapped
in their miserable lives
I'm tired of thinking
and writing this poem
just tired of being me
I've finally lost connection to this world
and I'm not here any longer