Apologies Of A Mother Poem by PADMINI DUTTA SHARMA

Springiest thou from the deep crevices of earth
A sapling into a full grown tree
The seed that I hath deliberately ambushed
For hiding my inexcusable sin...

The greens you hold are bewitching and serene
The water droplets you hold on to, gleam like the mirror
Reflecting my guilty soul, charred inside
I can bear to stare no more into those culpable eyes
That tear my conscience into pieces asunder...

So since when did this story start if I may recall
That was a heart breaking evening
Coming much later after keeping me waiting, my man apologized
The canopy looked inviting for everything we'd been holding onto for years
Times were different, since he was going away for good and my heart was heavy
I insisted, fully aware of the consequences, he merely obliged
Couldn't resist the call of my inner being
The beckoning to be one with him
For the first and last time...

The myriad thoughts now cascading, question my motherhood, my very existence
The strong YOU stand tall and silent, bemused, with lot of questions beleaguering your lips
Maybe mocking at my candy floss image, diva of millions, the fake avatar of grand womanhood
Trust me, I hadn't the courage then to stand by you
My strength flickered during those dark hours of peril
The thought of society booing at me, calling me a fallen woman
As I felt you grow, slowly inside me
I plucked my conscience therefore and tossed it in the wind
To live a scarless life
I am sorry from the deepest core of my heart
I seek your forgiveness and that of God
May you flourish, spread wings, Go ways
And disown me!