Agony Poem by Takunda S Chikomo

Agony

So I faked my own death
I faked my own death because
I thought that this way
Was the only way I was going
To see
Who it is that really loves me.
I told myself
If you fake your death


So I committed suicide
I told myself
And said Taku
Once you are dead
Then you wont be
A burden to anyone
Anymore
Not knowing that
My suicidal thoughts
Were enough of a burden
To my mother who would
Always ask me and say
Taku whats going on in
O mind
To which I would simply
Respond
Im fine.
I was unaware that
When I was pronounced dead
I presented to my family and friends
A burden of bitterness
And guilt
Bigger than I
Had calculated in me
Cerebral hemisphere.
I was in agony.

So I hit my head
Against the wall
I took razor sharp blades
And started drilling through my
Skin as a way to punish
Myself for being
Less of a person they
Wanted me to be
That is myself.

So I tore apart
My notebook of
Art like tom
Chasing after little jerry
They put up mouse traps
And stopped me from chasing
After my dreams.

It's funny
How these elders
Taught me that I should say