A Medical Synopsis Or Advance Notice Poem by Alexandre Nodopaka

Thursday, May 28 2009 10: 30 AM
Office Visit with SHERRI, MD
(What a cute gal… AND married!)

DIAGNOSES:

Cornea scratch, (Current)

(That'll teach me to mess with pointy foliage and to
Never bend down amongst them without safety glasses)

Dyspnea (Current)
Burning in Bronchi (Old)
Hyperlipidemia (Current)
Depression, major, recurrent,
now in complete remission.

(Never listen or believe a woman who says she gave
her best years to you…
there' re many others willing to do it)

Polyp colon, cancerous, removed (Old)
Hypertension, sleep disorder & apnea (Current)
Heart attack (Old)

(What! ! ! You mean I'm a survivor… lol)
Wow, tell me Dr, how old was the attack?
She says at least 3 months. Up to a couple years.

Ok, I remember now, that's the last time we were
divorcing and she locked me out… lol

Vitals Blood Pressure: 146/87 (Current)
Pulse Rate: 60 (Current)
Temperature: 98.4 (Current)
Temp Source: Tympanic
Height: 5' 9' (1.753 m) (Current)

(I keep shrinking, it's an old number)

Weight: 232 lb 9.6 oz (105.507 kg) (Current)

(Can't lose an ounce, I just won't stop the Vodka!)

PATIENT INSTRUCTIONS

You have been referred for a heart test.
Please call after 12 noon the next business day
to schedule an appointment. Do labs tomorrow.
Start your blood pressure medication today.
Just take it easy for now, avoid strenuous activity
until I see you next time for your follow up and
we can talk about it more.

PATIENT RESPONSE

Ok, I did it all but I refuse to soil your finger and
I'd rather enter the Pearly Gates with
my underwear clean.

Now, if only I can find the keys
And drive myself to the dentist
To rip out my disintegrating bridge
And the two barely supporting rotting roots
What's left of my chewing capabilities.
The thought of being without Vodka
For the next 10 days because of the antibiotics
horrifies me.

OK, had the disintegrating bridge & teeth removed.
My gums are sewn up but didn't bleed to turnip.
And you know what?
Not a hint of worry since finding this out.
I mean the heart business.
And now that my cholesterol registers 145
I may die of hypoglycemia:
reading = above the bracketed numbers… lol
There goes my sweet tooth and Amaretto!
And now is the 5th day that I didn't yet make
a heart test appointment

Nothing like having an Advance Notice.