(2011) The Real Me Poem by Deana Rode

I'm sinking into the depths of my madness again
thinking of things that only bring the shadows;
Regrets I should have long since released
people that are from the past
memories that I wish could be erased away..

Pieces of wonderment float past me like wilted petals:
Do those I've lost along the way think of me;
wonder where my path has traveled,
wish our outcomes had been different,
Or am I like the dust that floats around them;
so minuscule and fleeting in their landscape
that I've been forgotten before I even left their sight..

I've grown in my years and yet I am still the same;
scared, lonely, full of grief and sorrow,
lost within the confinements of my own disease-
and though while I have grown wise enough to know my faults
I still can't seem to grasp at how to change it;
how to make it mold into something beautiful
or bury it into the sands of yesterday..

Envy seems to have become my newest companion
walking arm in arm with my old friend Misery,
dancing around my soul with the demons in my head
driving me and holding me within my personal hell.