Like somebody commented below, it's a captivating topic that pulls easily on our emotional strings. I like the poem, and I commend you for your effort. However, I'm a incorrigable simple person, and because of this I run into trouble with complicated words, or phrases, but that's just me.
Epic. I like the journey you take above religious dogmas. It's always an uneasy one for some, and require courage on the part of others. Here is my other attempt at the same:
Heaven is a temporary condition (forget you church)
Phillip glass on my mp3 player,
A bag of Studenten Futter,
And a walk to the park in the early spring under a mellow sun
Brings heaven down to earth
I didn't have to die for it
What a day, what a day
What a sun, what a sun
What a life, what a life
Oh my, oh my
Forget you church is originally fuck you church, and I apologize for being vulgar, but sometimes it just fits.
Thanks for your comment