I've just started writing poetry, this is about my fifth poem (haven't showed anyone any of my work before) . Was interested in anyone's thoughts, good or bad - even something I should look into.
Any who, this one I wrote is about smoking and its delicious, albeit debilitating nectar.
My psychological dependence keeps you close,
Never leaving me for a moment too long,
My lungs re-unite with you my friend Trojan,
My body becomes limp, filled with your ecstasy,
My mind becomes a free flowing river,
Connecting tributaries previously unmapped,
I don't want to lose this feeling, please don't leave me,
I become concerned with our distant separation, your absence leaves me reeling,
Unaware of your commitment issues, your promise of return never makes up for your brief stay, I want that feeling, please come back.
i must say, i absolutely hate smoking because of my father, but this poem is very well written. the " please don't leave me" and " please come back" feel a bit forced. the emotion is communicated really effectively
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Why is the link to the forum missing from the top-page orange bar???
Is it just me, or is this circumstance ascribed to all?