Critiques and Revision
(6/12/2014 12:58:00 PM)
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I have always been envious of those from whole families embodying wealth and fame
And though I say otherwise, these things I do secretly wish to attain
To cover up the emptiness that lies in my soul
As I drift from place to place not quite knowing where to go
I am a loner this fact I solemly do not deny
And my fear of failure keeps me from attempting to try
To the fullest of my ability, when I can easily achieve
All the things I desire, if I begun to believe
These last four years have opened my eyes to some cold truths
Uncovered through digging deep into my mind and its roots
Of my constant struggle to be honest and true
Sometimes rather unconsciously seeking to be right and cool
Judgement of others reflects judgement of yourself
Whilst also reflecting the state of your own mental health
Regarding thoughts you have or things you’ve felt
Whether these reflect on the surface or are kept below the belt
I am afraid to be open and it impacts my connections
Mostly to women, causing me to fear unprecedented rejections
When merely this may simply be triggered by the menial reflections
Of fear, its power and the resultant mental defections.
Yet I know myself to see the beauty and qualities in all people
For no man or woman is inherently good or evil
We are merely products of our experiences, and this makes us equal
Disregarding experience and media influences which may often be lethal
My opinions shift between conservative and liberal
And perhaps that why I may seem too opinionated and stuck in the middle
Words may come in the mix of kind yet also cynical
And I still struggle to solve this confusing riddle
Deep down we all strive for a personal identity
One for which through our actions speaks to others saying “remember me”
Being as successful, content, and as grateful as can ever be
With our voices in unison shouting “God I thank you for the live you have given me! ”
copyright (c) 2014 (just in case lol)
(6/11/2014 9:24:00 AM)
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We who are called morals
were tossed on this stage
to display gifts divine.
Everyone a say
Every man his day.
Thy skills once locked in cage
We cuddle and fold on this stage
to fulfil our destinies.
Like bees in hives
our honey will unearth
sweet worthy passions
To cause the angels to sing
To cheer the virtues of mankind cause
as they cross life's treacherous line.
A claim to be worthy
Our heavenly prize.
Nalini Jyotsana Chaturvedi
(6/7/2014 1:42:00 PM)
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There is nothing left to give
for I have nothing left at all
but there is no emptiness within
and I don't feel there is famine or fall
colorful pictures of my past
and grey clouds that did overcast
cast their shadows, as I walk
forever with me, I know, they would last
there was a time
when I felt ghost pains
pins and needles,
where nothing remained
that part is now gone
vastness of sky
will be mine from now on.Replies for this message:
(7/17/2014 8:26:00 PM)
yes the colourful past that emptied but filled the heart with some biting pleasure we can't give away......... we only create assumption but can't hide the truth.. truth that is love for love is tru ... more
(6/7/2014 2:42:00 PM)
You say your colourful past but i think nothing has changed.
- Lalit Kaira (7/17/2014 8:26:00 PM) Post reply
(6/7/2014 1:11:00 AM)
The Journey of a Lost Soul
When I was younger hopes and dreams came into view, soon to vanish with the setting of the sun only to replay a surreal fantasy the next day.
Exuberance of youth unbridled hopes and shackled dreams, desires of flesh chased each day.
Loneliness and anger were my companions on a journey that led to nowhere, no reward for
persistence just a barren desert to abide.
A lost rock in a mountain of stone left alone never to be found by the Son that covers the soul.
Forbidden fruits transitory for a season endows a lost soul with an insatiable hunger to be repeated every day with rich promises placed on an altar, though the confines of mind the altar's tomb, whispered in our ear by the watchers of power of darkness as we traverse the dark journey oblivious to the loss of innocence to remain unrepentant.
Drunken by the wine we find a mine of dark tunnels to seek more to life than the void of darkness the alters of false promise provide; O is there a light in this endless maze for fertile valleys in which to graze.
Stumbling and crawling in the abode of despair, from out of the gloom a glimpse of a light the darkness could not comprehend, bequeathed an egress, only to find the one who appears as an angel of light.
Invitations of forgiveness awaits if one dares to journey across the lake of fire, the angel of light gloats his refrain, try as you might you are doomed to the night for you will never see the greater light, the Ancient of Days beckoning the lost soul to accept the true light.
(6/6/2014 11:29:00 PM)
When the light of day softly fades away
When that flaming ball of fire is all set to retire
When children hasten home after play
When tweet and chirp fly home yonder
When bright city lights dispel the darkness of the night
When the star spangled skies are a delight to the eyes
Whenmoonbeams cast a silvery sheen.
When work is done and the day’s race is run
When we whisper a little prayer-
Thank you dear God, for your love and care.
Your blessings we seek everyday, everywhere!
Yusuf Qomor Olusola
(6/6/2014 11:08:00 AM)
Indeed; an inferno room it’s!
A pandemonium room of chaotic corner
Where hostages scream and groan
The lack scream for shinning but transient wealth
The wealthy groan for more
The small brutalize the big
In their hunt for materialism
The blind join the search
And chased relentlessly after
A common mongrel
A designed printed paper
Myopic dreams of next ten decade
When tomorrow, by his creator
His soul shall be claimed
The groaning grows much weary
As the inferno room demands more trial
From already-screaming hostages
Behold and Chase me much more!
“Said the printed paper to the blind”
So I might drive thee
Into the melancholic miserable cave
Alas! screamers will soon disperse and march
One by one to that silent but sullen hall
Where suffering and agony reach no more
And so his kinsmen will bid him: R.I.P
(6/6/2014 10:05:00 AM)
Mary, The Mother of God
The scenery of Mary's Court is green, white and gold.
Green are her trees, white is the sun,
And gold is of The Spirit, containing every other hue.
There are brooks which run, of azure blue
Through her forests and her gardens, framed by regal eglantines
And gilded, holy, gleaming moss.
The brooks are of wines,
And gently toss
The reeds which play beneath the cloudless sky.
The Palace of The Virgin
Is heaven to the eye.
Her Kingdom is devoid of everything old,
And pertains to only that which is new.
The glistening gloss
Of the morning dew
Is found in her palatial field
Where her rosy bowers yield
Perfumes of marigolds, daisies and gems.
I met The Mother Of God donning diadems.
Her long, black hair
Is astonishing to behold,
As if all gold
Finds its temple there.
Her crown is studded with immaculate jewels,
Each the reward of a Saint's fidelity.
With a tender love she commands all citadels,
And all the angels glory in her beauty.
All the Saints are in awe of her dusky, Jewish eyes.
Her gazes outshine the bright, celestial skies.
And her skin is fairer than all of heaven's blooms combined.
Her song is that of such a charming sound
That it leaves a man blind
To what is all around.
Her fingertips are of a pearly-white,
And when she roves in her Court, beneath the purple stars of the gleaming night
She smiles at her sons and daughters in that vast and holy square,
Majestic and massive, made of marble and stone.
Her perfumes are of honey, and permeate the midnight air.
She rarely wishes to be alone,
Except for the times she converses with Her Son,
Pacing on the hallowed beach, where the streams
Of violets swirl around her feet
To the tranquil sea, beneath the terrace where the vines meet.
She is often inclined
In sacred dreams.
Her passions are those of chaste, refreshing, cooling fires,
Guided by her reason
Endowed beyond the wisdom of every time and place,
Of every world, of every season.
Nothing, no one, save
For God Himself
Possesses such a lovely face
Whose expressions are light, yet sometimes grave,
Grave as in solemn,
For there are many souls she wishes to save.
She frequents earth and purgatory,
And in the latter, where the flames torment and lave
She wipes the sweaty brows
Of the suffering Saints.
And she often allows
Their punishments to cease,
Long before their time,
Ages before their due release.
She often graces the dawn with celestial paints
When cathedral bells chime in the western wood.
And she loves to say
When the consecrated pray
In their cloisters of rapture,
Clad with lindens, willows, yews and birch:
'God Bless The Holy Roman Catholic Church! -
Its eternal truths be praised! '
She cares very much for Jerusalem,
Where she was born and raised,
And she is anxious for Israel to acknowledge her Son.
She opens petals, one by one,
Merely by caressing them in her little garden-close,
In the corner of her spacious Court.
The scent of her beauteous body
Is of an immaculate, dark-red rose.
And the rhapsody of her flowing voice
Is bestowed to transport
The hearts of all the blessed,
Enraptured without a choice,
To the highest realm in heaven, of music, art and rhyme
Where The Magnificat is sung
Beneath the dome of God's Cathedral,
Far beyond the realm of time.
John Lars Zwerenz
(6/4/2014 6:46:00 AM)
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Critiques and Revision: I see a lot of work submitted but many go unanswered: Why submit any work to this forum if that is the case.
Please answer. Terrance Tracy
(5/30/2014 4:16:00 AM)
Day broke through the window,
mind ceased to play…
awakened to an abominable lull across a tyndalled glow,
Its yet another gloomy Sunday;
Crisp crunches shattered the pretend silence,
as I ruffled through the dailies in mock pursuit…
the voices cried foul atop the cerebral fence
only to crash against stoic walls of mute;
Life like water stank in stagnance,
through prolonged days of futile pray…
picked up the smithereens of my fantasies of chance,
on yet another gloomy Sunday…
Coercing belief and myriad delusion,
I pause in languid leer… in almost frivolous play…
the shadows shrunk into oblivion,
I saw the mighty sun put to slay;
A trail of fervour pranced across the crimson sky,
chasing the golden carpet…
deftly swept under was the sea of cry,
as the saviours blew the trumpet;
now gone is the voice,
halted has the pursuit…the stench now a feeble force…
the reluctant walls once mute,
offer a maze of doors;
life like water now sprouts from a crevice,
in jubilant display…
it only takes a dream’s price,
to rain on a gloomy sunday …
(5/27/2014 1:47:00 PM)
What is the weight of matter,
And what is the matter of weight?
Why does it matter if you have more food on your plate?
Does it affect your look,
if you are underweight and in need of care?
And does it make you cooler if all you eat is never there?
Does the absence of proper food,
Make you better inside?
Because I bet when you said that you ate,
That really, you lied.
Does the fact that you lie to your family,
your friends, your community, your life.
Does it make you feel worse,
Or is the proof needed that you are there, forced across with a knife?
Remember that you are here,
Alive and clear to see.
Remember that you are important,
to more people than just me.