Critiques and Revision

Hand of Hate

I stand untouched by flames and clubs
But the horror rakes my throat,
The fires are far away
The fighters are far away,
Five decades in the past
And
A single decade in the past
And
Hundreds of miles away

My daddy was never beaten
For walking down a street,
I was never barred from school
For the color of my cheeks.
My ancestor's backs never tasted
The sting of planters' whips,
And yet breaths of terror
Struggle through my lips

Burned down their own ghettos?
Those held their houses and their shops
Their schools and their homes
Their children and their brothers

The screams
The screams would've dripped with familiarity
With filiality!
The hate wasn't piercing the enemy
The hate was lashing the common victim

The enemy...
The enemy was fading already;
The lion licked its vile paws
And clenched its carnal jaws-
Forswearing its wicked ways,
(At the barrel of tamer's persuader,
but a retreat nonetheless)

My daddy was never beaten
For walking down a street,
I was never barred from school
For the color of my cheeks,
But the screams scrape at my limbs
My burning aching limbs...

Run

Run to the future
Run from your past
Run from your evil
Run from your pain
Run as fast as you can
Run till your cold heart starts to thaw
Run until the dark becomes light
Run until your scars start to heal
Run even though you can’t get away
You can’t run from the demons in your past
But still you run
Run to a new place
Run to a new life
Run right into my arms
Then you’ll never have to run again
I'll hold you till the pain is gone
Till you can open your eyes and see a new world
A brighter kinder world
Where the pain from your past will be gone
This is the world i want you to see
It is the world i dream for you and me

All I want is you love. i love you so much it hurt. when i think about you i cant breath, because you are my air breath. i feel lose with you. if i have go to hell and back just to be with you just for one day i will because i know God understands how much i love you.i love so much i will die for you. you are my oxygen if i cant breath, so how can breath with you. you my eyes if cant see. i will tell the world how much i love you. people will know how i care you, i am incomplete with you beside. i love you girl.

Check out my poems; Dreams and Street kids..Both poems are open to constructive criticisms, suggestions and comments..Kindly drop your comments as they may help in improvements..Thanks peers..

Silence, a wordless language
a sea shell held close to the ear with
the sounds surf sends hissing up
the sandy beach

this is actually my first time going for a critique...anyway.

Much More Beauty

Beauty they say lies in the hands of the beholder, bet, I say here it lies in the hands of the shareholder, all I can see and know, is that it's like you crossing a border, it would only be joy to find out what's after the border of beauty.

It seemed to me like I wasn't seeing what I was meant to see; bit by bit I fell for the deceit,
freight caught hold of me with a strong sight, fitness came to me, though like a tack hit.

I say all this, because I've felt one, eyes; like that of a diamond,
flies could not even stand a look at it, iced bloods, ran through my veins at once.

Though I couldn't still believe what I was seeing, thoughts like; who is this?Tampered with my feelings, thorough shock ran through me like that off those that killed ‘tesla', thus, the only way to find out, is to test her.

From a distance, I could hear the sun cry, from that instance, I wandered about giving it a try, yet I asked myself; could this be one of those wonder fly?still, looking at the diamond eyes, and I'm just wanting to go fey.

Then I saw a smile that transits,
I was though still amazed at what I was seeing, that I continued to gaze at the point of forfeit, this must be an intruder to my mind! ! I insist.

I just couldn't fight and resist,
that I almost shouted ‘oh my gosh';
but in her presence I wouldn't try saying such, I must have my stand; I persist.

Never knew that figures applies to people, nervous at first,
because her skin was as fresh as an apple, but that mostly, made me thirst.

Smiling! ! ! All this just feels rumpled, asking, what could this be at this angle?Toggle me, I think I'm falling for a beauty, sorry; ; MUCH MORE BEAUTY.

In sinister havens do they ponder till late With clenched fists do they decide our fate: Who would live and who would die- Like they are our most high. Starving feeds and fattening prices; Weakening us with hunger and all their vices; Destroying the hatched and the unhatched With brute strength unevenly matched. Unleashing deathly pellets on " unconformed voices" ; Lie-ridden mouths dictating choices. From the west drifts the vultures, hovering for spoils; Soon looms an impending feast from this gory toil; Armed for war, are the bloodhounds in green at dawn; With our pens we stand to fight against these guns.

Dear members, your critiques and suggestions mean a step forward in my poem writing, so please, give your honest ideas about my poems.

am Amanda Daniel i like your profile,
i am interested in you please contact me
to my email.(amandadaniel2013@yahoo.com)
so that i can tell you all about me thank you.
don't contact me on this site because i don't
use to be online every day.

Please go through my poems and suggest ways to improve.All your criticisms and advice will be most welcome.Thanks a lot! ! !