Critiques and Revision
(7/4/2014 8:24:00 AM)
Terrance Tracy (7/4/2014 2: 43: 00 AM) Post reply | Delete this message
O the anguish that hurts the soul are words spoken when one’s emotions are high, vicious accusations relentlessly expressed gave birth to a foolish journey to find some rest.
The seasonal high humidity and heat accompany the disabled voyager on a foolish journey to what end he did not know nor care.
With each step pain is felt in his temporal body and eternal soul, health or peril he did not care on this foolish journey to nowhere.
One more step and then another, one more step and then another the voyager rehearsed in his mind giving no thought as to what he left behind.
Traveling on a busy highway struggling with each step the voyager stumbled by a familiar church perhaps he should stop here, but his soul was wounded and he would not abide in there.
One quarter of a mile up the highway he spied a bridge with grave needs for a voyager to rest, there he will sit and pray to his God to ask for forgiveness for undertaking such a foolish journey.
Reaching the bridge he accepts the invitation of the rail and begins to contemplate the fruition of his fate, dear Lord what have I done I left behind the love of my life in this test of strife.
The traffic was heavy and so was his soul, as the voyager sat on the bridge rail several cars stopped and offered help but all the voyager could muster was to say that he was homeless and nowhere to go; for he wanted to be alone with his Lord and ask for his sins to be atoned; he just wanted people to leave him alone.
Hampered with physical limitations he could not take a step forward or back so he just sat there and began praying and hearing his Lord speaking to his heart that which you have done was not very smart.
I do not condemn you so look for no stones for your sins have been atoned return to your love, the wife of your youth, for I will give you strength to endure the hardships and defeat the roaring lion that roars your ears and has caused you to be covered in tears.
Gangadharan Nair Pulingat
(7/3/2014 10:49:00 AM)
Critiques and revision column is very useful to the extent of poems one posted and trying to use this column.
(6/30/2014 1:34:00 PM)
-our street had one name-
my heart moved like a child
who couldn't hold it
when you walked behind me
but i wouldn't ask to go
and you never picked me up
or rushed me to a stall,
because i paused too much
hoping to go in
things on your palm
which caused accidents
in the crotch of my spine
as you'd bump me
when your thoughts turned
to her well played crosswalk
and now, you'll never understand
how hard it's been
to suck on the words
you type with unease
to see you stand still
in a photograph
without me there
to punctuate the quiet
Susie Marie Arviso
(6/30/2014 12:06:00 AM)
The stillness of winter in silent glory
Lulling; calming delightful treasure
Majestically she displays her story
This seasonal prize and timeless pleasure
Icicles glaze the land in crystal
In placid, twinkling life enshrined
A still and frozen region; distal
That awes the eyes in a glassy shine
Carpets of powdery white expansion
Over the mountains, plains and hills
With celestial, beauteous refractions
Resonating glory in frozen tranquil
When alas, pelting drips of snow-melt
Will soon return new life - restored
When the stillness of winter in quiet hope felt
Slowly releases life's vigor, once more
(6/29/2014 11:17:00 AM)
-face the other way while i pretend to love you-
you used to be my clubhouse,
my afternoon tea time
in a tomato patch where you dared me to lick a worm.
you ran to get your Fuji camera–
i watched the walls grow up
your sloppy footprints trip me on the carpet
because we can never be buddies on a porch swing
or act like this is normal–
my knees are in; your elbow touches the window
creating a smudge i'm convinced is fiction
and the rain plays inside
ignoring all the dishes.
oh the agony of pretending, how afraid
i once was
to be in the shoes of someone else
to run after an obese cloud,
because i needed water from somewhere else
to top off my wounds
i never grow around these parts–
you rake reflections of us in the yard
drilling holes in the stump of a tree,
asking me if fire sounds like this
i say it's dark
and thunder is tight-lipped–
i can feel it spit whenever i point at what is quiet.
this feeling is so loud
i won't believe in fates temper
i don't want my feet to drag when
we rock back and forth
bothering the moon with our childhood tricks.
we were another time;
a full length day
a better way was never showing up.
Gangadharan Nair Pulingat
(6/29/2014 10:17:00 AM)
Critiques and revisions on poems is important to make it beautifully modified and fit for reading to the readers who are the genuine opinion makers that I think.
Gangadharan Nair Pulingat
(6/28/2014 10:35:00 AM)
Though I am so much interested in poems and continues in reading of great poems this is the largest platform of individual poetries and poets that I get a chance to communicate and have its goodness to part with. I take this opportunity and request to read my poem the Banian tree.
(6/26/2014 1:51:00 AM)
I Look To You: For The Future
A little boy with dreams i was
Nightly did i close my eyes
And let my mind bring fantasies
To gently slide me in blissful sleep
Of future days, i smiled & dreamt
Pictures sliding in & out
Nightly thus, my ritual was
My own fantastic lullaby
A young man now, i am, with dreams
With greater scope and wider means
Drawing on imagination's themes
Elaborate paintings on mental canvas
I see your face and hear you laugh
I see the love shining in your eyes
That special look you have just for me
When i hold you in my dreams
And time passes slowly till that day
When i'll hold you in my arms
Tickle you and whisper in your ears
See, i already named you as my joy
You, my hope & life, my wings &.... I...
I just wait for that day
My pride, my strength,
My firstborn......... My Daughter..
(6/22/2014 10:11:00 PM)
The Love Chapter by Jishnu V Nair
Chapter - 1
Love At First Sight
" Love-struck" a word i heard
First time when i was in third
Wondered how it would feel
Was sure i would never kneel
Saw her the first time that day
Lost my heart and lost my say
The world around me froze
Filled with the fragrance of a rose
Mumbled there beside my friend
I would love her till the very end
He smiled and pat my back
Told me that i m a crack
What enigma is this???
Wondered my mind
I had never felt this way
Is this the reason why people pray???
Stood there gazing wide.
Wish i cud take her on a ride.
With her by my side.
I would conquer world in a slide.
I was on cloud nine
Everything seemed so fine
Like there was nothing to whine
Everything seemed to shine
What was happening to me???
Had I found my heart key
My mind filled with thoughts
Lost in her hair knots
I had found the one
Who would love me like none
Gathered my strengths the next day
I knew exactly what i had to say
Was sure i would take her heart away
Thought of approaching her alone
No more will I be so lone
In this world of utter chaos
I thought I found a rose
I told her everything in sheer
My hands were trembling with fear
But she smiled and told me something
It felt to me as though she was singing
Then she brought her hand forward
Told me " Let's just be friends"
I had just reached Dead Ends
A thousand dreams shattered
Insides of me Fluttered
I just couldn't say anything
I managed to mumble" Well, It's something" .
Sometimes things don't go right
Even though it's love at first sight
It Seems someone wanted me to be alone
Coz I ended up in the Friend-Zone
Is It Poetry
(6/17/2014 11:36:00 AM)
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When Lilly Kisses Rose
When lilly kisses rose
and lilly I did know
and trees I thought
grew very deep
within the forest.
the hay is sweet
dry moss cries
And lilies white
remind the sky
clouds they swirl.
There grew the two.
I loaned to
now to know