Critiques and Revision

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  • Rookie Amanda Daniel (3/18/2013 1:13:00 PM) Post reply
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    am Amanda Daniel i like your profile,
    i am interested in you please contact me
    to my email.(
    so that i can tell you all about me thank you.
    don't contact me on this site because i don't
    use to be online every day.

  • Rookie Gaayatri Chandrasekharan (3/18/2013 5:08:00 AM) Post reply

    Please go through my poems and suggest ways to improve.All your criticisms and advice will be most welcome.Thanks a lot! ! !

  • Rookie Jillian Ward (3/12/2013 10:50:00 AM) Post reply

    Hey guys I just write poetry for fun but if you have time could you check out my poems?
    Thanks! I'm open to feedback!

  • Rookie Ella Pitt (3/12/2013 6:10:00 AM) Post reply

    Would really appreciate it if anybody could check out my poems particularly the newest ones

  • Rookie Pratik Jain (3/5/2013 11:14:00 PM) Post reply

    I've written a few poems on my blog.
    feel free to read and comment if any suggestions.. :)

  • Rookie - 4 Points Jessie Knaggs (3/5/2013 11:10:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    so i'm fairly new here and this is one of the poems i wrote that i think is pretty good but i would appreciate any comments on it that you could give thank you

    he cuts his arms and watched them bleed
    saying this is truly the life for me
    taking release in the pain of the blade
    but for him this is not enough
    he needs it to end enough is enough he says
    so he takes the pills
    goes to sleep
    hoping this will be his final release

    he wakes the next morning
    cry's cause he's still here
    thinking why can't it just end
    the world would be better if I was wasn't here

    then his dad walks into the room
    he sees the bottle laying on the floor
    he holds back tears and asks him why
    he said he was weak and finally broke
    his dad sits down on the bed next to him
    he looks his soon in the eyes and says this

    when I was young I was like you
    wanting to die I didn't know what to do
    one day I tried to end it all
    the next morning my best friend found me laying on the ground
    she fell down and cried and wanted to know why
    I told her I'm not worth the ground I walk on
    so who would care if I was dead

    she said many people would care if you were dead
    like me your mom your dad and your brother
    you have many friends who care a lot for you
    if you had to kill yourself in front of them what would you do
    at that moment I knew that I was worth the life I was given
    if I was gone I would break hundred hearts

    so son I hope you can see
    that if you were gone it would kill more than just you
    it would kill me your mom and all the people who care about you
    so next time you feel like killing yourself think about this
    if you had to do it in front of the people you care about
    would you be able to go through with it

    Replies for this message:
    • Rookie - 4 Points Jillian Ward (3/12/2013 11:01:00 AM) Post reply

      Very moving and emotional, however consider making the message more powerful with word choice. Great job though!

  • Rookie Matthew Luxford (3/1/2013 3:12:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    I've just started writing poetry, this is about my fifth poem (haven't showed anyone any of my work before) . Was interested in anyone's thoughts, good or bad - even something I should look into.

    Any who, this one I wrote is about smoking and its delicious, albeit debilitating nectar.

    My psychological dependence keeps you close,
    Never leaving me for a moment too long,
    My lungs re-unite with you my friend Trojan,
    My body becomes limp, filled with your ecstasy,
    My mind becomes a free flowing river,
    Connecting tributaries previously unmapped,
    I don't want to lose this feeling, please don't leave me,
    I become concerned with our distant separation, your absence leaves me reeling,
    Unaware of your commitment issues, your promise of return never makes up for your brief stay, I want that feeling, please come back.

    Replies for this message:
    • Rookie Faustina Marie (3/1/2013 6:44:00 PM) Post reply

      i must say, i absolutely hate smoking because of my father, but this poem is very well written. the " please don't leave me" and " please come back" feel a bit forced. the emotion ... more

  • Rookie Aria Siren (2/26/2013 3:57:00 PM) Post reply

    Calling All Poets:
    My name is Aria. I am passionate about poetry and many other forms of art. I love when poems surprise me or inspire me. I would love honest feedback on any of my poems. If you comment, I'll be happy to return the favour.

    -Aria Siren

  • Rookie - 2 Points M Candelaria (2/14/2013 10:53:00 PM) Post reply

    Hi friends,
    I would like to improve my work, and your comments and suggestions would be really appreciated. Thank you.

  • Rookie Eyo Justice Ellis (2/13/2013 6:25:00 PM) Post reply

    Hello beautiful people! I just updated my profile on poem hunter and added some poems to my profile. Please read, like, and comment on my poems. you could also send me messages and share your poems with me. it would a great pleasure reading, and writing poetry with you.

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