Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision


Post a message
  • Makayla Johnson (9/25/2012 4:04:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Hey, all....
    Well, I'm pretty new here and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to give me some critiques on my work. Please be honest, a string of good reviews is always nice to see, but is in no way helpful. Don't be afraid to criticize me, I'd love to see how I can improve. My poems can get a bit dark at times though not gruesome or anything like that. I tend to write about the mind a lot. Madness, hallucinations, mental torment, things like that. I only have a few poems up right now but I will be posting a lot more soon. I'd love if someone could give me a few critiques on the ones I have up now. I'd love to know what you think of my writing.

    Thank you for your time.

  • Ruby Honeytip (9/24/2012 3:38:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Like a Boss
    Sometimes......
    She wants to watch the base of his throat as he throws his head back to laugh
    She wants to smell the ocean through the pine trees and hear her own soft whimper as he bends to kiss her.
    She wants to feel him whisper sweet, crazy words close to her ear and delight in the hidden shivers he brings to the depths of her
    She wants to feel the heat from his hand burn her thigh
    She wants to pull his sweet breath into her chest and hold it until she knows it has travelled to the centre of her.
    She wants permission to stand close...very close
    Can he tell that his name starts deep inside her and rings and rings and rings?.......
    Then she opens her eyes and, ever ladylike, crosses her legs, hands folded over her knees, as the world comes back to focus
    She wonders if this too shall pass
    So she can get back to work!  
    Ruby Honeytip

  • inro Lavil (9/22/2012 7:07:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Please critique my poem " The Time Speaks"

    Thank you.

  • Lily Phelps (9/20/2012 9:20:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Hi everyone. Um, I don't exactly just want a comment. I would like come critique on my poetry. I've been told my poems are very good and very deep and emotional, and I can maybe understand how they can hit home, but I just don't think they're as good as people say they are. I would like some suggestions for improvement, if possible. I'll do the same for you guys, if you like. Just message me and send me names of the poem or what not.

    Thank you in advance...~

  • Daniel Einstein (9/19/2012 8:25:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Hello there guys and gals, Well, i am not looking for people to comment on my Poems, no sir, i would like for all of you out there to Give me your name and Favorite poems, and i will Comment and like them depends on their awesomeness, Don't be afraid and Message me your Favorite poems, Good day.

  • Black On Black Arts (9/19/2012 1:38:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    hello readers i would like very much if you go to my page read rate and give me your opinion on my poetry thank you

  • Udaya R. Tennakoon (9/18/2012 7:05:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Hello Dear all,

    I would like if you can read my poems and give a constructive critic for improvement of my poetry skills. As English is my second language, your participation would be great for me. Please follow the link bellow to read my poems.
    http://www.poemhunter.com/udaya-r-tennakoon-2/


    Many thanks
    Udaya

  • Anita Jonker (9/12/2012 2:52:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    The reason I wrote one of my poems is because of a story I heard:

    A 4 year old girl was sitting alone in the back of an taxi driving around town. The police officer saw the child was alone and stopped the taxi.

    The police asked the girl ' Why are you in the back of this taxi?'

    The girl replied: 'Taxi's makes the most accidents on the road'

    It made me very sad and I wanted to write a poem that might be the reason for such sadness in a 4 year old.

    I wanted to do this justice.
    Please comment and tell me if I succeeded.

    http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/dark-painting/

  • Nicole Silvia (9/5/2012 8:43:00 PM) Post reply | Read 2 replies Stage

    I'm confused... does Poemhunter automatically go in a rate your poems as a 5/10?Or did a person rate all my poems that were not previously rated 5/10?Some of my poems had ratings, all of which were 10/10, and today I checked my ratings. Every poem which did not have a previous rating was rated by one vote 5/10. If someone does not like my poem very much, that is fine, but I would think they would offer some sort of critiuqe. If my poem is poorly written, or does not reach you, etc, please offer an honest critique. Aside from sharing, I am on this site to learn more of how to write better poems.

    Replies for this message:
    • Ajay Seshadri (9/2/2013 5:20:00 AM) Post reply Stage

      I also have this problem. A new poem that I post seems to get automatically rated; 5/10. The reader should offer a critique but it seems to me that this happens automatically as I noticed there was no ... more

    • Gabrielle Marie (9/13/2012 7:59:00 PM) Post reply Stage

      Yes, I noticed the same. It can be a flaw in the system, or there is a N.N. person who does this. This makes no sense at all to me.

  • Komolafe Shalomj (9/5/2012 1:02:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Read my recent poems and i'll be well reserved to publish part 2, MESSAGE LIVES ON and this. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/future-future-before-and-future-from-the-future-journey/ http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/kill-the-messenger/ Message lives on is the cont. Of where the messenger was killed....at the end the messengers and slaves are freed.THE MESSAGE THE MESSENGER LEFT IS POWERFUL.

[Hata Bildir]