Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision

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  • Søren Valentine (11/1/2012 11:13:00 PM) Post reply

    I would love for you guys to read my new poem
    The Unraveling

    and my poems entitled " Fallen Raven" and " Autumnal Love"

    Thanks in advance for your time!

    P.S. If you leave comments (which I hope you do, I want to get different opinions on my poetry) PLEASE be completely honest. If you didn't like it, tell me!
    That's why I want different opinions :)

  • Søren Valentine (11/1/2012 10:55:00 PM) Post reply

    Hi uh I'm sort of new to this...
    anyway please read my poem called " Confusion."
    lol most awkward post ever.

  • Shivani Misra (11/1/2012 12:31:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello people!
    Please read my 2 new poems
    1. With tears flooding my pillow.
    2. Within me.
    Thanks a lot. It would be lovely to receive your views through comments or messages. Thanks.
    God Bless :)

  • Joe Giuliani (10/23/2012 4:31:00 PM) Post reply


    Please note that my new book of poetry, " Dada Reborn: 21st Century Poems, " is now available on Amazon (Ebook) .

    These poems are intended for a mature liberal-minded audience.



  • Ruby Honeytip (10/19/2012 3:20:00 AM) Post reply

    I have a new poem....WARNING! ! Although this poem about a person eating fruit was written in good humour, it may be seen as a little racy, so please don't read if that is embarrassing to you.

    Forbidden Fruit

    He presses it to his lips
    Bares his teeth
    And nips at the flesh
    Sweet liquid escapes his lips
    And races with his tongue
    From the corner
    Of his mouth
    He catches the nectarous droplet
    And draws it back inside
    How I long for a taste!
    To touch his delicious lips with mine
    To fold my tongue through
    The warm sweetness of him
    Again...again and again
    Ohhhh to hear my name groaned
    Through his baritone voice
    As my body sings his song.

    His eyes...his beautiful eyes.............
    Uh oh! ! ! ! ! !

    He sees me!

    I feel crimson warmth spread
    Across my face
    And wonder.........
    How long have I been staring?

    © 2012
    Ruby Honeytip

  • Bret Thompson (10/12/2012 9:13:00 PM) Post reply

    poetry comes from ones heart and soul.the words just pop into your head without you even just dont feel whole intill its what other people think about your poetry does not really matter

  • Mojdeh Mahjourinia (10/10/2012 8:27:00 AM) Post reply

    I would very interesting any advice and guidance of others to my poem...

    I am alive here sound true,

    Here, here,
    In a golden or darken circular blue,

    I am alive, yes to live and to love...
    Hey you,
    Can you understand what is love?

    Please listen to me,
    Butterfly comes,
    Sits on a rose
    And sings for the sun...

    It's in love with a glorious and shiny rise.

    Please listen to me...
    We have no time,
    Let's be butterfly,
    Sing for the sea,

    And watch the rise and fall of the waves
    That are ahead of us.

  • Clay Perry (10/9/2012 9:10:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    i would really appreciate any help and advice others may give about my poetry i feel some are good but would welcome suggestions for is my page and here is a new poem..

    'my love's like jazz'

    Why jazz?Everyone asks,
    thinks maybe it's a crutch,
    but you have to listen
    to understand that

    when it swings mad
    it's controlled wild,
    screaming like loons
    from the secret structure
    of someone's imagination.
    You get to go there, fly
    down to it, sail across it,
    lose yourself winging
    your own dips
    and graceful spins.
    The cool liquid changes

    when it cries soft
    as yellow fog, curling
    around memory. Ghosts
    who usually live
    in the next room
    step in to hold you
    faint as smoke, whisper
    their stories one more

    time you have to listen
    to understand. It's a river.
    It pulls you with tides,
    and deep underneath
    it's all blue, sad
    in a minor way,
    but enveloping as peace,
    low as life.

    You can stretch yourself
    around it, let it move
    your limbs, carry you
    in a sway of somewhere
    you've never been
    but for that space
    of song.
    in this moment my love smooth,
    sticky, sultry, sweetly heady.

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  • Clay Perry (10/9/2012 9:01:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    please would folks offer me advice and any help you may afford me on my poetry i think some is good just would appreciate some help..

    Replies for this message:
  • Makayla Johnson (10/6/2012 9:17:00 PM) Post reply

    I wrote this poem quite a while ago. I'd like to know what you all think.


    The sunset's blood spills yellow and orange,
    The fern's new life within the sporange,
    I tread the Earth's path so sweet,
    the flowers crumple 'neath my feet.

    The sky, it glows a bright new silver,
    The ewe shall feed her newborn chilver.
    Dance around the light of stars,
    Paint the planet known as Mars.

    And soon shall strike the inspiration,
    entwined so soft with desperation.
    The moon, it shines so florescent,
    The glowworms shimmer, incandescent.

    Watch the sky, it soon will fall,
    The gentile mist absorbs it all.
    The blood of demons spills and splashes,
    marking you with quick, red lashes.

    Piece by piece we'll watch the dreams,
    It's just not always what it seems.
    The feathers drifting, falling down,
    Fill the streets, the vacant town.

    A misty haze shall fill the skies,
    Watch the fallen disk arise,
    lined with silver and plated gold,
    it brings the new and keeps the old.

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