Critiques and Revision
(4/3/2012 11:50:00 AM)
There it is that Buzzing....
There it is that buzzing,
Its all up inside my head,
I'll constantly hear that buzzing,
Until this thing is dead,
I tried to take aim with my swatter,
Tried to catch it in a jar,
Tried to crush it with my jotter,
And run over it with my car.
Its been here for three months now,
It's really driving me round the bend,
They say that I've gone mad you know,
Something their tablets cannot mend.
He helps me in my jacket,
His name is nurse and he's my mate,
Padded walls to stop the racket,
Hospital food upon the plate.
They say when the buzzing goes,
I can go back to my house,
'I'll go now I propose'
'The buzzing is as quiet as a mouse! '
Its here and just won't go away,
I've been to hell and back,
I really, don't want to stay,
So I'll say its gone and start to pack...
(4/1/2012 4:03:00 AM)
No Love Plz...
fell upon the sunny yard,
dark and fairy shapes,
flowing..then rounding into one..
dispersing into two then many ones..,
a hot breeze disturbing me,
and it's gentle touch..
I'm missing You! ! !
Once in a similar sunny day,
may be the past year i say.,
looking back to memories,
finding glances we exchanged,
and silent talks,
I've grown up,
yeah..not that secondary schooled girl,
grown u by age and thoughts!
But still i don't forget,
your wheels which followed me by,
and your rare calls,
ohhh..... I'm missing you.!
may be this feels ordinary,
but it was all my first love..
first and undoubtedly last of any such..
I will love some one, (i would love in future)
when they give me countless love.
But ne'er as ours.
Yet, I'm fooled and puzzled..
did we?.....love each other?
I know you did. I think you still.
But ne'er, I did ne'er.
But still I miss you! ! ! ! !
Girls are sometimes so, and so not.
may be boys too.
But I'm sure, I didn't love you,
or...why should I've loved you??!
(3/31/2012 2:34:00 AM)
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When Optimism is diffused and Life is a mess
When the Spirit is dampened and the Soul is in distress
When Night conspires to keep Dawn out of reach
There will be no more vacations on the beach.
Rising bubbles of Suffocation in my chest
Up and down a rollercoaster nest
I try to seize Control – Control eludes me
Instead, it precipitates Insecurity.
Bad things happen, it is pointless to dwell
But Logic does not dictate what the Heart compels
This feeling of Sadness strongly overwhelms
If only I could escape to my own magical realm
Where Reality is not compounded with Regret
Where the scales don’t tip to the side of Debt
Where I can see my reflection and smile
And for once, be happy, just for a little while.
(Wrote this after my accident.)
(3/31/2012 2:32:00 AM)
Too often I find myself in search of meaning
in my increasingly irrational existence.
Knowing too much is a dangerous thing,
I fear I’ve succumbed to resistance.
If only ignorance can be disguised as bliss,
I would gladly spend my life unaware
of the many treasures and happiness
resting beyond my reach somewhere.
Instead, every morning I wake and face
a monotonous eight to five scene.
I wish that I have the power to replace
the sun, moon, and all that’s in between.
Imagine a parallel universe
where mistakes are few and petty;
I won’t be subject to loneliness’ curse
and misfortune is but a hyperbole.
It is time to put life under review
and reflect whether this is truly for me.
Am I strong enough to push through
the sorrow of this soliloquy?
Or will the Will fizzle and burn,
and see my efforts in vain -
lest fortune’s wheels never turn
once in my favour again.
//Background: The past couple of months have been horrid. Crashed my car, had my bag stolen, broke my glasses. Poetry was my way of dealing with it all. My own therapy.
Roxy Del Mar
(3/24/2012 2:44:00 AM)
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I mourn for those who never lived,
For the many never born,
Those many multi-colored eyes
That never beheld the morn.
I grieve for the ones who never felt
Fresh sea-breeze on their faces,
Or, in childhood, blew the dandelion
The wind torments and chases.
I sorrow for the innocents,
Who never knew the light,
Who were mercilessly slaughtered.
Stolen, their life, their only right.
To take away the chance to live
Is the worst of any crime.
You've no more right to your child's life
Than you've got to come take mine!
When will life regain its value,
When will hungry death be satisfied?
I fear never, for the unborn in danger,
And ex-mothers who have secretly cried.
In case it isn't obvious... I am staunchly pro-life, and this poem is meant to help others see the horror of abortion from my point of view. Any nasty comments will be removed. You have the right to disagree, but I ask you to do it respectfully.
Elisha Nelly Mukiibi
(3/23/2012 1:23:00 PM)
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It ravages like the wild Californian fire
Through it leaves a Sahara behind
A heat so intense it boils me down
It so defines itself
It peels through like a knife
Layer after layer it goes away
Into the Congo jungles
Deeper on it preys……
Looking for meaning
It sups on denial
And tears in its wake
Seething for understanding
Trying to correct……
What it tries to understand
It smiles out
What a joy it reveals
With every line lies a beat of hope
Warming to the future…
A love to hold on to.
It's everything to me,
Burns like a fire
Peels through my heart
Leaves me in denial
But stills it brings me joy
~Deana ~ Dotterweich
(3/22/2012 11:09:00 AM)
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I'm going crazy,
Ripping my hair out of my skull.
Trying not to cry,
Over a certain guy.
He is lazy,
And quite dull.
I don't think I even love him at all.
What should I do?
Can't you see?
Do I have to give you a clue?
I'm going insane,
At the thought of loving you.
Crazy....and in vain,
At the thought of you.
I try not to twitch,
But my wrists do itch.
There must be a glitch,
Please don't be a snitch.
Elisha Nelly Mukiibi
(3/17/2012 11:26:00 AM)
Oh this feeling
I got 4 u
Makin me smile
Utterly wanted i just can't 4get
Oh wen i get to hug n hold
Everybit of me fitted 2 u
Helples in ya arms
Binding me fast
This is nothing i xpected.
I just can't 4get
That light feeling
Every vein feels light
Blood flowing lyk cream
And hw can i just 4get
Such a delightful feeling
Turning me on n up
All this love u give me
Such a love i just can't 4get.
(3/16/2012 5:21:00 PM)
i need people to view and comment my poems for feedback im trying to write a book with all the poems on here in it, and i only want top notch poems in it so if u could help me id be soooooooooooooooo grateful
(3/14/2012 7:56:00 AM)
any comments on this poem is welcome...
Wretched and forlorn in the emptiness of her soul
waiting for her love to come back
as a lonely bird
contemplating what had been driven between them like a wedge
was it disaffection?
what was her fault, she knew not why
An air of melancholy now sweeps through her life
The screams of her anguished existence would not abate
Reminiscing cherished moments
Hoping to turn things around somehow
Alas, that is not to be
for it had cut him too deep to be cured.