Critiques and Revision

It ravages like the wild Californian fire
Through it leaves a Sahara behind
A heat so intense it boils me down
Plainly unthinkable….
It so defines itself

It peels through like a knife
Layer after layer it goes away
Into the Congo jungles
Deeper on it preys……
Looking for meaning

It sups on denial
And tears in its wake
Seething for understanding
Trying to correct……
What it tries to understand

It smiles out
What a joy it reveals
With every line lies a beat of hope
Warming to the future…
A love to hold on to.

It's everything to me,
Burns like a fire
Peels through my heart
Leaves me in denial
But stills it brings me joy

I'm going crazy,
Ripping my hair out of my skull.
Trying not to cry,
Over a certain guy.
He is lazy,
And quite dull.
I don't think I even love him at all.

So,
Tell me.
What should I do?
No,
Can't you see?
Do I have to give you a clue?

I'm going insane,
At the thought of loving you.
Crazy....and in vain,
At the thought of you.
I try not to twitch,
But my wrists do itch.
There must be a glitch,
Please don't be a snitch.

I won't
4get
Oh this feeling
I got 4 u
Makin me smile
Feeling special
Utterly wanted i just can't 4get
Oh wen i get to hug n hold
Everybit of me fitted 2 u
Helples in ya arms
Binding me fast
This is nothing i xpected.
I just can't 4get
That light feeling
Every vein feels light
Blood flowing lyk cream
Slowly thru
And hw can i just 4get
Such a delightful feeling
Turning me on n up
All this love u give me
Such a love i just can't 4get.

i need people to view and comment my poems for feedback im trying to write a book with all the poems on here in it, and i only want top notch poems in it so if u could help me id be soooooooooooooooo grateful

any comments on this poem is welcome...

Estranged

Wretched and forlorn in the emptiness of her soul
waiting for her love to come back
inconsolably forsaken
as a lonely bird
contemplating what had been driven between them like a wedge
was it disaffection?
what was her fault, she knew not why
An air of melancholy now sweeps through her life
The screams of her anguished existence would not abate
Reminiscing cherished moments
Hoping to turn things around somehow
Alas, that is not to be
for it had cut him too deep to be cured.

I have just submitted my newest poem.. I think it speaks for itself and by itself with all of its rhythms and rhymes! If you may ask, I write poems so as to clarify things out of my hazy thoughts which at times struck me.. It's my way of LOOSING MYSELF! ; ') AJA, everyone!

I want to die


Heavenly cursed and heavily sinned I
So, I do not want to live, I want to die
And I want to become a holy ghost
Whom the people would like the most.
Like the retreating solders I like to come back
To my own permanent and eternal home
You may call it a suicide or martyrdom.

In my real home I see the news
Coming from the lipstick coated lips
In the television of my molten death
People are sobbing with a heavy breath.
The atmosphere is heavy and they feel the pain
This thrills me and gives me a feeling of gain.

The only son of my father
The only darling of my mother
Fainted repeatedly on the cushion
Peal like tear drops coming from my beloved son,
Friends and relatives express grief in the community hall,
All these excite me and I sought to say’’ I love you all.’’

For the first time in my life in my last ritual I listen
From those men that I was really a very good man
In such intense atmosphere of gloom and sad
My heart cheers and I become too much glad.

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO READ TO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK:



WE SPEAK ALONE TO DISTANCES
HELD WITHIN PANELS OF A
SOLAR ATMOSPHERE

MY MIND IS CONFLICTED OF
SUICIDE STANDARDS CALLED
OUT IN THE DARK

ONLY A SUNRISE PRAYER
CAN BRING MY THOUGHTS
INTO A VELOCITY OF WISDOM
THAT I MAY TRUST IN JESUS
TO HAVE SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN

I just want feedback on my poems


It was love at first site
but for you it wasnt there just quite
Amazing, beautiful, funny, and smart
A pricless work of art
Just the site of you
is such a Monumental view
From that time i made you blush
I knew in my hand i had a Royal Flush
So after all my tries
you became my very own Nobel Prize
So we had our laughs
we had our cries
Oh how do I miss the days I gave you butterflies
Even though life gave us this turn
in my arms soon you'll return
The love I have for you can never be undone
you're truly the only one

http: //www.poemhunter.com/poem/man-in-the-sand/