Critiques and Revision
(11/21/2013 12:58:00 PM)
Daddy you left me all alone.
I was a messed up girl from a broken home.
You'd drown your sorrow in bottles of beer
But your reasons for doing so, where unclear.
My heart is broken and needs to heal
From all the pain you've made me feel.
If only I could show you this hatred is real.
You left me when i was four.
Was it hard for you to walk out the door?
You hurt my mom and me.
Dad cant you see?
You're part of the reason I’m in a group home!
And the reason I feel alone.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
That is what they say
But can you feel the emotion from the picture in any way?
That saying if for the birds
Because words show you how to feel,
And the picture may only look real.
You may not agree,
And this may only be me,
But what I feel is what i say
You may not like it,
But I speak my mind anyway.
Please tell me if these two poem are good.. I try my best: /
(11/20/2013 3:16:00 PM)
I've always worn my heart on my sleeve,
Even though people say I'm naive.
I'm a girl that's never truly loved before,
Till you knocked at my door.
My heart Is now In your hands,
So I hope you can understand,
That I fell my heart Is made of Ice
So I hope you will take my advice
And leave while you can.
If you truly are the man I adore,
Please don't make me want more.
You know I will never leave your side,
But you need to run and hide,
For I might hurt you one day,
And this is why you can't stay.
I promise you that im in love,
Because your my angel sent from above.
So smash my heart break It Into pieces while you still can,
Even though I'm the only one that can make you feel like a man.
I'm really no good for you.
(11/20/2013 5:11:00 AM)
The Plight of the Crows
Wednesday, November 20,2013
3: 41 AM
As I was walking, I was a witness
To a display that occurs every day.
Oblivious to the scene, my complacency
Made me blind to the message that is
Apparent each day; a visage of metaphorical
Display, because it is for the reader to decide the path
To choose at the crossroads of life: this is the
Path one must choose to follow, to be free from struggle and strife.
From proximity near, I could hear a raucous
Squabble up in the trees; repeated each day
Finally caught my attention and this is what
Three black crows took flight in the air;
Forming a haphazard formation consisting of two in front
In addition, one crow reluctantly following behind the first two.
From a perch atop the trees there sat a fourth crow;
Squawking orders to crow number three “Get back in formation,
I don’t want to hear your declaration of my territory.”
With presumption of authority, he squawked his
Boastful decree, “Get out of this tree because this
Tree belongs to me.”
From a camouflaged, limb one hundred yards away not easy to
See the three crows landed and declared, “This tree belongs to
We three, it is our manifest destiny.”
Immediately, the fourth crow took flight squawking, “Where
Are they were going?” “Do not go there, these trees belong to me”
“I am the crow given authority to reign over this territory. I do not care
About neither manifest destiny nor eminent domain; for this is my
Land promised by my creator for I have eminent domain.”
The cacophony that ensued was louder than before and once more
The three flew out of the tree one two and three.
Whatever point you gleam from this little stream is a parallel of the
Plight of humanity for every day we act the same way; and that is insanity.
(11/19/2013 8:40:00 AM)
sun sat maud
flung rolls words
tongues truth blind
lame love find
could love i u
save shy sky blue.
valley our deep souls wade
spare thy etereal glove
thirsty blue kiss my love
(11/13/2013 11:22:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
Now that I'm older The days just fly by,
Faster it seems, in the blink of an eye.
I try to hold tight, to each hour in the day,
but it's gone in a instant the night takes it away,
Soon it's all over tomorrows a new day
grasping on tight I know it won't stay
The clock keeps on ticking, the hours they pass,
what was of today is now yesterday's past
The memories still linger through the midst of the day,
but gone once more is another new day
By: Jennifer Wright
(11/7/2013 8:12:00 AM)
Hello honorable Poet
Kindly read my new poems " Happy Birthday"
Pedro Andres Rodriguez
(11/5/2013 10:34:00 AM)
Newbie poet seeking an honest critique. http://www.poemhunter.com/pedro-andres-rodriguez/
(11/3/2013 2:53:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
I'm being drawn in,
The darkness consumes me,
The black hole,
Constantly drawing me in,
I can't escape,
As I see the nothingness of life,
The perfection of being invisible,
Knowing that no one can help,
That none want to help,
Feeling the blade of truth,
Gives me the realization of life,
Being lost in the fog,
There is no relief,
I've become lost in the darkness,
I can do everything,
But I can't feel anything.
Again just a critique.
(11/3/2013 2:53:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
As I sit here confused,
Not knowing whether today will be my last,
I feel so numb I'm amused,
Unaware of the sadness I cast,
My heart will fail,
My mind will break,
When I go no one will tell,
Do I have what it will take,
To remove this world of a curse,
To give this world a relief,
After its done I know what will immerse,
This world won't change its belief.
Just a critique.
Eliseo 'elcid' Cinco Iii
(11/3/2013 3:56:00 AM)
Could you critique my poems and give me suggestions. I am in need of feedback on the poems I composed.Thanks.
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