Critiques and Revision
(2/13/2014 9:19:00 AM)
We find ourselves in tubes
Hallways, roads, walkways
Rivers, flowing into tributaries
Classrooms, workplaces, homes (with more hallways still)
We move until we are found by stillness
An inlet, where motion becomes just another option
Then, motivated by the unseen
Releasing the firm grasp of safety we float down stream
Lead by the infallible power of the current
Held tightly, we waltz
To the music of our choosing
We flow to the river’s mouth
(2/11/2014 2:17:00 AM)
Sunken eyes, inlaid in black:
A tired guise is drawn.
He sits there waiting for the crack
of inevitable dawn.
Destruction is done.
He's wished himself
a thousand times
to leave what he's become
His youth it felt so long ago
despite his lack of years
memories that should've faded slow,
washed dull by all the tears
Can he pretend it matters?
one more time?
He knows that since
he's lost all hope
fits the crime
(2/10/2014 12:05:00 AM)
THE ROOSTERS CROWS
Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.
Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society
of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have
always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius
of their age, betraying their perception that the absolute trustworthy
was seated at their heart, working through their hands, predominating
in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest
mind the same transcendent destiny; and not minors and invalids
in a protected corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution,
but guides, redeemers and benefactors, obeying the Almighty effort
and advancing on Chaos and the Dark.
Ralph Waldo Emerson. Essay on Self-Reliance;
Early one morning I heard the crowing of a young rooster announcing
his vibrato for all to hear. It mattered not that there were no hens
in sight, the redundancy of his crow was to let everyone know that he
had arrived to claim this was his territory, but was it of no avail, for his crow
was flatulence for all to hear because there were no chickens in the yard
to appreciate his pompous boast.
O that men would have the faith to not give in, but to accept that his
divine destiny does not belong to him. For he feeds from the trough
of divine providence as the plate from which he must agree.
The dish of divine providence is not easy for men to digest.
It is full of twists and turns that are aimed to distract with illusions
of self-importance and pompous greed. But to the man who stays his course
and does not look back is a man who will succeed for his masters rejoice.
The decades take their toll of hearing, seeing, and the ability to perform
a simple task. Do we give in to these afflictions or do we keep going
with the conviction that the divine providence has been served because
we have faith that can move mountains regardless of the situation.
Like the rooster we seek our highest elevation and cry out for salvation
no matter if we not see nor hear, there is one who cares that no man shall perish
we are given a choice; to run like cowards or persevere in circumstance
and stay the course.
(2/5/2014 4:23:00 PM)
Check out my new poem. " Green."
Meadows, hills, Arkansas,
Vast open meadows with blooming
flowers reaching toward the sun.
Encircled with trees, a protective wall.
Inside that place, I can be myself
hidden from all.
Meadows, hills, Arkansas.
A stately topped with a grand tree
standing tall and proud.
A lowly rock stands as a companion
to the leafy giant.
Standing beside the tree upon the rock,
I feel like a queen
Joined with nature and in command.
Meadows, hills, Arkansas
Looking past people and focusing
on nature's handiwork.
My eyes and my heart see beauty.
Enchanting, colorful, protective and breathtaking
the meadows make an imprint in my mind.
Stepping stones round, smooth, and rolling.
The hills create a sense of joy and contentment.
My home, my childhood, my place
Arkansas draws my heart
to be ever so near.
(2/5/2014 12:29:00 AM)
This one is my newest one. Please any critique or comment you have. Thank you
I am Valid!
Every thought, every feeling, everything is valid!
Do not discount me because you disagree.
Do not ignore what you don't understand.
I am Valid!
No I can not explain what it is I feel, but
this does not make it untrue.
No I can not stop thinking this way or that way.
No I will not ignore myself, because I am valid.
I am Valid!
Every thought, every feeling, everything is valid!
My mind will change, my feelings will change, but everything is valid.
It will not make sense to you. You will not see my side.This does not change what I believe.
I am Valid!
Yes I might me wrong. Yes I will at times overthink and make a mess.
Do not discount me because of this. I am valid. Each thought I think and each feeling that passes is valid. They are my right!
They are me, each piece makes up a part of me. To deny any of them is to deny me.
I am Valid.
(2/1/2014 6:12:00 PM)
Everyday to enhance my brain
I'll smoke weed, sniff cocaine
Have a beer to mask hidden pain
Higher than treetops, insane
Different day, same old shit
Still outside the circle, a misfit
I'm not tried, made of grit
In life cowards are those who quit
Whatever I believe in or think
Changes moods faster than a blink
I wish to tip the bad down the sink
So whats left will match up, interlink
Sick of just waiting for life to begin
Want to be comfortable in my own skin
Hate the compulsion to be better, to win
The prize we seek must be found within
(1/28/2014 8:32:00 AM)
I like the quiet places, the silent places -
places inside my head.
Places where I can run and hide
in the moments when I feel afraid.
I like the places that welcome me
and let me run, or hide and play.
I like the quiet moments
where life seems far less grey.
I like it when I'm free to be
the one who chooses what to say -
the one who sits in silence
and hides herself away.
I like the quiet places where
in silence I may think at will,
and sometimes in these silences
I like to be quite still.
I like my quiet places and
the moments these may bring,
for in my quiet moments
I feel free to laugh, and play and sing.
Helen Claire Jones
(1/28/2014 4:59:00 AM)
Cried so many tears over you
lost my smile over the years
I've danced in the rain
until the sun came out
I've waited to catch a rainbow
until our dreams came true.
I reach out my hand
but your not there
I call out your name
no answer is heard
The hunger in your eyes said it all
it was a while before you called.
Long chats and hazy days
summer dreams and autumn ways.
Saw the sun shine in your eyes
The leap within your step
golden moments within our hearts
sharing thoughts that will never part.
(1/27/2014 5:38:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
begin again and break the bell
forget the thing you cannot tell
tried to warn you, ran away
just to hurt you again today
its fine, I can see the lies
that cross the mirror in my eyes
what happened then will happen now
I told you not to fall or bow
you didn't listen, now its old
tripping over this fools gold
tried not to break the thing you are
then I took it much too far
ill fall into the arms of night
I've given up this fight
(1/27/2014 3:59:00 AM)
Read it or don't because anyone that knows me knows I care lots.
Be forewarned this is a pretty long letter along with a reply that is continually suppressed with all other comments pointing out how one man views us being the readers for giving him low marks. I will post his 'Open Letter' first then my last reply since he felt the need to delete all the others.
This letter was copied as a point of reference and nothing more than. Written By BRIAN JOHNSTON.
My apologies to all those poets who think all my poems are poetic garbage and hence in good conscience can vote all my poems down to a 1 or a 0. This letter is not for you.
This letter is for those who envious of my poetry's success in pure malice vote all my poems down to a 1 or a 0. This letter is definitely for you
An open letter to the 1 & 0 Vandals desecrating PH halls…
First let me refer you to my poem ‘You Know Who You Are’ for though it was intended to protest attacks on men and women (and certainly by extension to children of either sex) its comments on molesters of any sort certainly apply to you. For a poet our poems are like children that we give birth to, that contain our DNA. We gird our fledgling poems as best we can with the armor of both logic, music, wisdom, and love against the pain and rancor of a fallen world. We release them as one would a child as well, wishing them the best but knowing that we won’t always be able to protect them. So let me just say, that when you, apparently in a mindless rage (for you are indiscriminate in doing so) downgrade a poem’s popularity to either appease your jealous rage or your lack of intellect, you become rapists at your worst, school yard bullies at your best. How does it feel to know that your efforts are largely ineffectual for the best poets still rise to the top and experience the accolades of their peers in spite of the worst you can do?That must suck huh?Make you mad?I certainly hope so!
So in addition to being rapists of defenseless poems, it appears to me that you must also be half-witted cowards. You hide behind the anonymity of ones and zeros (what a disappointment if you should all turnout to be computer programmers, there is always a place for humor even if you are to dumb to understand it) . You lack the courage to discuss your problems with a poem or a poet on its or his merits even though you could do this if you wanted in most cases, which of course means that you must have the spine of a jellyfish and the brains of a banana slug. Are you beginning to think that I don’t like you much?Well just review the last two line of my poem ‘You Know Who You Are’ and perhaps that will make it clear to you how I feel, assuming you can read of course.
Yes, you have a modicum of power to upset me, kind of like when I accidentally step on used gum. But I do not know your life, the abuse you’ve had to live through yourself. For that I am truly sorry. I pity you and pray for your soul. It can’t be easy being you!
Now My reply from MEROV TACHGOVIRIAN
Trash them or vote for them based on how the reader sees or feels about their work?If I think a movie is pretty bad I'm not going to vote it average I am going to give it the score I feel it deserves.
If I had a bad experience at a restaurant am I going to give it 5 stars or 1?
Can you imagine if every actor, actress, restaurant owner, chef or writer whined as much as you do about their ratings or peoples opinions of their work where those people would be?
No, they realize something that you DO NOT. PEOPLES OPINIONS DON'T REALLY MATTER! But if you can learn something from it then that is good as well. Live and learn right?
Can you imagine if actors, actresses, restaurant owners, chefs and writers or anyone that could be critiqued and judged based on their performance threw the temper tantrum you threw?Not only would the media totally eat you up and spit you out but your mental state of mind would come under fire, because who really says the things you said in your open letter and can call themselves sane or even a Christian for that matter?
So the media not based on what they do but 'YOUR WORDS' and reactions to anyone giving you low marks would never let you live it down. So why should anyone at PH?Something to think about if you actually plan on going anywhere 'successful' with your writing.
No, I think the people at PH are a little more forgiving then the media abroad. So maybe it is a good thing for you that you truly are not successful at writing yet Brian?
As well your apology isn't sincere and can be likened to a 'loaded question' but in the form of a statement.
I don't placate to your emotional state Brian, so there is no need for humility when one is honest, especially with the amount of NON-humble words that you put up on the screen.
So let's stick the actual subject matter.
Why did you write the open letter?
Because you felt people or a person was trying to destroy your scores by voting you down. Do you really believe there is some conspiracy to destroy you as a poet?Or that you are the only one that has ever been given a low score by me or anyone else?
What did your open letter consist of?
You consistently trying to insult the people or a person that gave you low scores while explaining that your poems are your children and that those that give low scores are raping your defenseless children.
Do you realize how crazy that sounds?That because a person or persons gave you a low rating they are just foul creatures that lurk within the halls of PH desecrating other peoples works?
More like exactly for the reasons I gave. Now I can't speak for anyone else on why they gave you a low rating on anything without saying anything other then they wanted to avoid interactions like this one.
As well if half as many people that you claim gave you 10's or 5+ on your work would it not reflect so?
Pretty sure if 2 people gave you 10's and 1 person gave you a 1 your score would be scaled accordingly and then maybe you wouldn't be overreacting towards the people that gave the low marks to begin with.
You realize I DID NOT need to come forward and say anything at all and you would have continued ranting and raving about whoever the person or people are giving you low marks, While assuming all the people that give low marks are just rapists of defenseless works and horrible people that should be wiped from the face of the earth because they have SO much malice in their hearts and love to bring people low that feel they have a place at the top.
What If I spit the food my server gave to me a 5 Star restaurant into a napkin and said this is absolutely awful I want to order something else. Can you imagine the chef coming out to confront me in a rage calling me the rapist of his defenseless meal that he cooked for me to eat?
Maybe now you see how ridiculous you sound?
If I too was shown how utterly absurd I sounded in making all the statements I made to people that have the right to vote however they feel. I also would want to retreat into private conversation.
You want to appeal to the readers of PH and come across as one that is emotionally stable and quite sound. But I feel for you that the damage is done. You said what you said and no matter how you try to give a 'Sincere Apology'
You in your anger said some pretty harsh things to those people that gave you low scores because I couldn't have been the only one I am just the only one that came forward.
Now do I find what you said insulting to me?Not so much, I actually found it quite entertaining that anyone that tries to present themselves as this God fearing, God loving, individual would say even a fraction of what you said while feeling all along justified because some people didn't like your work.
You asked what does someone get out of giving a low score or saying a poem is just garbage.
I ask what does someone get out of giving a high score or saying a poem is great?
Now if it is for someone's own personal satisfaction to say something positive or negative then is it really about the person commenting and not about the person they are commenting?
I don't get anything out of telling you what I think nor does anyone else. I gave you what you wanted which was an explanation. Anyone else along with myself don't need to give explanations but sometimes we do.
Take one of the other poet's on PH today I gave them a 10 and even commented their page. Why?Because it was a brilliant piece and I rated it as such. Half I rate and just don't say anything unless I feel it's worth saying something about.
I'd tell you to grow up Brian but I fear that would put you in your grave seeing that you are already 71.
So act like a 71 year old man and not a child that can't handle criticism and feel as though they are being singled out of EVERYONE on PH and being picked on. Learn to take the positive with the negative without throwing tantrums.
For the many other poet's who have been saddened and mystified as to why someone would come in and trash their ratings. Ask yourselves are we the readers really trashing your poems when you put them out to be criticized no matter how positive or negative the criticism may be?My suggestion to all the saddened and perplexed individuals that feel as though they are being attacked. You aren't or maybe you actually are. Either way if you can't handle negative comments as well as you do your praise maybe you shouldn't post anything.
People like me don't do it just to do it if we ever do it it's because we just really don't like your work or that particular poem or maybe we really enjoy your work or a particular piece for whatever the reason is.
Maybe not everyone wants to come out and say I didn't or I really do like your poem for this reason or these reasons. But for those that are getting lowly ranked poems within the PH rating system that give you a 5 or below.
Well you can look at your lowly ranked poems and put them in the forums and ask people to critique it and see where people might like certain parts or not really like any parts. BUT be willing to have your work criticized and judged harshly just as much as you should be willing to embrace the pain of truth no matter how ugly or beautiful it may be.
Remember that it is the painful experiences in life that have either made you or broken you. Let anything anyone says be a motivating force to push you to go further then you ever believed you were capable of don't let others words drag you down cause they too will have their day when they are judged just as harshly or kindly as they dish out.
Learn from Brian now to NOT take these things and turn them into personal attacks but to see that they are what they are... People just voting how the feel about a poem and if they want to leave a comment they will.
Did you in all of your intelligence ever stop to consider that what if I send out a positive open letter asking why I have been given low scores that you might have gotten some constructive feedback from more people other than myself?
I think your tone and attitude could have dictated much of what took place. But maybe it didn't?Maybe it was going to unravel in this manner all along. BUT that is really besides the point isn't it?
How about acting like a man and asking for some positive feedback rather than insulting anyone that has given your poems a low rating. That would have been the civilized thing to do for a Christian as yourself would it not?
As for me Brian we don't need to have any more private chats or letters nor do we need to be friends, Though I'm not your enemy as I have said before. But I call things how I see them and if you can't handle the truth then don't ask the question