Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision

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  • Jessica Dehn (2/5/2014 12:29:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    This one is my newest one. Please any critique or comment you have. Thank you

    I am Valid!

    Every thought, every feeling, everything is valid!
    Do not discount me because you disagree.
    Do not ignore what you don't understand.

    I am Valid!

    No I can not explain what it is I feel, but
    this does not make it untrue.
    No I can not stop thinking this way or that way.
    No I will not ignore myself, because I am valid.

    I am Valid!

    Every thought, every feeling, everything is valid!
    My mind will change, my feelings will change, but everything is valid.
    It will not make sense to you. You will not see my side.This does not change what I believe.

    I am Valid!

    Yes I might me wrong. Yes I will at times overthink and make a mess.
    Do not discount me because of this. I am valid. Each thought I think and each feeling that passes is valid. They are my right!
    They are me, each piece makes up a part of me. To deny any of them is to deny me.

    I am Valid.

  • Shelley Stanworth (2/1/2014 6:12:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Everyday to enhance my brain
    I'll smoke weed, sniff cocaine
    Have a beer to mask hidden pain
    Higher than treetops, insane

    Different day, same old shit
    Still outside the circle, a misfit
    I'm not tried, made of grit
    In life cowards are those who quit

    Whatever I believe in or think
    Changes moods faster than a blink
    I wish to tip the bad down the sink
    So whats left will match up, interlink

    Sick of just waiting for life to begin
    Want to be comfortable in my own skin
    Hate the compulsion to be better, to win
    The prize we seek must be found within

  • Melek Yuzlu (1/28/2014 8:32:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    I like the quiet places, the silent places -
    places inside my head.
    Places where I can run and hide
    in the moments when I feel afraid.

    I like the places that welcome me
    and let me run, or hide and play.
    I like the quiet moments
    where life seems far less grey.

    I like it when I'm free to be
    the one who chooses what to say -
    the one who sits in silence
    and hides herself away.

    I like the quiet places where
    in silence I may think at will,
    and sometimes in these silences
    I like to be quite still.

    I like my quiet places and
    the moments these may bring,
    for in my quiet moments
    I feel free to laugh, and play and sing.

    Melek yüzlü

  • Helen Claire Jones (1/28/2014 4:59:00 AM) Post reply Stage


    Cried so many tears over you
    lost my smile over the years
    I've danced in the rain
    until the sun came out
    I've waited to catch a rainbow
    until our dreams came true.
    I reach out my hand
    but your not there
    I call out your name
    no answer is heard
    The hunger in your eyes said it all
    it was a while before you called.
    Long chats and hazy days
    summer dreams and autumn ways.
    Saw the sun shine in your eyes
    The leap within your step
    golden moments within our hearts
    sharing thoughts that will never part.

  • Skitz Meraki (1/27/2014 5:38:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage


    begin again and break the bell
    forget the thing you cannot tell
    tried to warn you, ran away
    just to hurt you again today
    its fine, I can see the lies
    that cross the mirror in my eyes
    what happened then will happen now
    I told you not to fall or bow
    you didn't listen, now its old
    tripping over this fools gold
    tried not to break the thing you are
    then I took it much too far
    ill fall into the arms of night
    I've given up this fight

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  • Jessica Dehn (1/25/2014 3:10:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    I would love any feed back any one might have on these three. Thank you.

    Pretty Lies

    Tell me again your pretty lies.
    Say them softly in my ear,
    Lie to me again and again.
    Never know truth or honesty,
    Tell me again you pretty lies.
    Dress them up so no one know.
    Truth and honesty you know not of!
    Whisper softly so i know,
    Which pretty lie do you tell.
    Will i ever know the truth of you?
    Tell me again your pretty lies.
    Deception seems to be your key,
    What of honesty do you know?
    With your pretty lies wrapped in bows.
    Worry not i do not know,
    Which is truth and which are lies.
    Tell me again your pretty lies.
    How i love your wicked truth!
    How i love the trick of life!
    Say them softly in my ear.
    Blind me with what i want to hear,
    Tell me again your pretty lies.

    What do you see?

    Who do you see when you look at me?
    Do you see joyful laughs and happy smiles, and think oh what a pretty doll we see?
    Do you see the hidden tear and frightful fears, and shake your head and that broken thing?
    Broken doll or Barbie doll, which do I appear?
    What do you see when you look at me?

    Dream Memories

    Lost with in my dreams.
    They start so lovely, filled with peace, love, and happiness.
    Sweet dreams of moments we have shared. Loving smiles and cherished laughs.
    Strong warm embraces brought calm thoughts of peace.

    Ever so slowly things begin to change.
    Cherished laughs are gone never to reappear.
    Smiles disappeared they came so seldom like ther were never there. All that is left now is saractic smirk and mocking sneers.
    What happened to that welcoming embrace?All that is there is the chill as you turn away.

    Now with in this bleak landscape I am alone drifting on memories.
    Cherished laughs, mocking sneers, warm embraces, and the chill of your back; oh how I miss them all. How I crave them all.
    Wishful thinker or glutten for punishment I am no longer sure which I am.

    Lost with in my dreams. Seeking away to escape the pain. Waking will not do for all of these are memories, haunting me night and day.

    I look forward to hearing what have to say.

    Replies for this message:
    • Rohn Moosh (1/28/2014 4:59:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

      Pretty Lies- . When you read a title like that, you tend to expect what is coming. Although a little predictable, you've done a great job making it so theatrical. You obviously have what it takes to ... more

  • Jose Baez (1/22/2014 10:04:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Hello every one, please take a look at my poems and feel free to tell me your honest opinion. I will appreciate it with all my heart. Thank you again.

  • Yolanda Zhang (1/22/2014 9:30:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    " self-portrait" that i regard my loneliness as the only priceless
    i have presupposed my place
    in between the Up and the Down.
    now that i see the Forest in darkness
    i have gone away barefoot and bloodstains
    carved into my delusional flesh and sound.
    now that i know the Trésor the noblesse
    i have entered the other end of grace
    into the vague marry-go-round.

    so the bliss is what i've found.
    and i am damned.


  • Melissa Robinson (1/20/2014 9:13:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    This is part of my new poem 'Addictive Misery'

    I am so tired of being deceived,
    You have torn my motivation away from me..
    Each day I find it harder to breathe
    and i long for a purpose so desperately.

  • Terrance Tracy (1/19/2014 2:47:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    The Hiss Of A Snake
    Thalia ventured out to her garden
    for her time of meditation was due.

    With a smile she contemplated the
    destiny of her next inspiration.
    She sensed she was not alone
    for just ahead she spied an object
    that she despised, slithering on the ground.

    Her smile disappeared at the sight
    that made her countenance a sad
    figure to be seen. All her efforts
    to secure her position were in vain
    for the slithering appearance refused
    to go away to this very day.

    Perhaps she could continue
    if she could don a mask and remain
    in her garden unfettered at the appearance
    of the creature that would not go away.

    For the mask that you see hides the fear
    in her heart with an eternal smile for all to see.

    Terrence Tracy

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