Poetics and Poetry Discussion

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Olta Qejvani Albania (6/13/2013 10:32:00 AM)

Listening " Stranger on the bus" ; one of my favorite songs, I have written as following:

Stranger on the bus

Like a stranger on a bus
trying to make his way home
is everybody's heart in this world.

People who never gonna meet
may be better than those we ever met.

What can we do
when the world let us to be
always " stranger on the bus" .....

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  • Freshman - 1,020 Points Peter Stavropoulos (6/16/2013 8:00:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply
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    I like the sensitivity of these lyrics. Thanks.

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    • Freshman - 1,020 Points Olta Qejvani (6/17/2013 2:33:00 PM) Post reply

      Thank you for all your opinions. Maybe reading and enjoying poetry is the thing done better from me than writing poems. Anyway, as a new member of this site, I would be honored to take in consideratio ... more

  • Rookie ..... W@king Up..... (6/14/2013 8:45:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    I don't think this is too bad :) you write of an intriguing concept. Perhaps if you wrote more on this topic and had a rhyme scheme it would be better?But nice work :)

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    • Rookie Jefferson Carter (6/15/2013 10:51:00 AM) Post reply

      Good poems aren't about concepts or ideas; they're about words. This is clumsy and ungainly. A rhyme scheme makes sense here since it is a " song, " but no amount of formal scaffolding wil ... more

  • Freshman - 644 Points Jefferson Carter (6/14/2013 12:50:00 PM) Post reply

    O, this is pretty awful. I wonder how it would sound in your first language? A lot better, I suspect.

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