Poetics and Poetry Discussion

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Marlon Marcus Indonesia (4/15/2005 11:27:00 AM)

i want to ask you about poem without you by adrian hendry please give me comments about this poem

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  • Rookie ***** ***** (4/15/2005 12:55:00 PM) Post reply
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    I believe that the imagery in some of the poem is quite lovely, but some references don't fit with others for me.. the mention of 'Corn Flakes' jars, and 'sausage butties' is flat just after the sublime 'stillborn poems', Sunday Times and Clark Kent, after birds wrenching themselves from paintings? ! ... I think the poem suffers and falls from its dreamlike quality with references that sound so clunky. I chuckled for some of the sweeter references, but the poem should figure out which way it wants to go - with daily terms or more imaginative ones..

    The ending gets panicky, which in a way I like, and have used myself, but I don't like slashes in poetry. All in all, a good poem, but it needs tidying.

    My two pence...


  • Rookie Andy Konisberg (4/15/2005 11:59:00 AM) Post reply

    I like the repetition, I like the playfulness and the meaning behind it, I like the off-beat rhythm of the poem. Personally having already mentioned 'flowers' and 'music' and 'houses' (allbeit public 'houses') I would have liked it if the poet had used other terms, later but there are many lines to cherish here. 'indifferent colonels', 'stillborn poems', 'martians'...and so it would be churlish to say that this poem wasn't imaginative. It also has a lovely feel to it, like a breeze...

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