Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Workshop for poetry written in traditional forms.
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Jacob Ellinger Male, 29, United States (7/31/2011 11:48:00 AM)

this is a song/poem I wrote, I would like comments on improvement, ideas on how to make this a song, changes in lyric suggestions.

I'm bad, I'm a develishy slimy man,
with wicked and vile intentions,
and a infernal and hellish plan.

Corruptive and pervasive, and all together sick,
unholy and despicable with ugly hellish wit.

A genius in sheep's clothing, a devil in disguise,
my words are sweet as honey but I'm planning your demise.

You'll never see it coming, in your mind I'm your best friend,
Like adding sugar to a meal, it'll taste sweeter in the end.

I'll see your face in shock,
that I would have stabbed you so,
I'll grin a evil grin and stare into your soul.

you'll finally breath your last breath,
it will fill me with such joy; to know that you never knew
that you where simply just my toy.

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  • Rookie - 0 Points Darlington Chukwunyere (9/5/2011 7:57:00 PM) Post reply
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    break it into double line pausing, then you can sing it with trimmed vocal calls... With suitable lyre chords.

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