Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Workshop for poetry written in traditional forms.
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John A Alexander Male, 33, United Kingdom (6/4/2010 12:35:00 PM)

hi, i've just joined the site and posted my first poem. i have plenty more (which i'll put up as and when i type them out) but i haven't really let anybody read my stuff before. so if anybody has any tips as to how to gain exposure on the site and get feedback i'd appreciate it. i'd obviously reciprocate by reading and commenting on others' poems as well...

my first offering...

When I feel in the dark, I use my hands like eyes
When in truth they're just hands, there's no actual disguise.
How then does the world look to the visually blind?
What should really be heard, missed by visual minds?

Knew I couldn't quite see still I looked very hard...
Bang our heads, but we still trust our eyes in the dark.

Be all of me. When all senses connect they can spark
self-encompassing energy, realisation stark
Like a magic eye picture, the whole scene appears,
In that perfect spot between far-sighted and near.

Through a consciousness channeled, a quick glimpse of the light,
Epiphanic and global and blindingly bright!
Almost too bright to take in, but blink and it's gone...
In a flash it unravels, quick and sharp as it shone.

As we clutch in the darkness listening out for clues,
Are the things we look out for the reasons we lose?
Like magic eye photos they drift in and out,
Vision's 20/20, but focus in doubt.

Could we really cope if we could see, hear and feel
What we really could be, or would life be too real?
A step towards insanity or true mental health?
Real awareness engaged through acceptance of self.

please rate or comment if you liked it, i'd like to know what it means(if anything) to readers

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  • Rookie Katie Moore (7/3/2011 8:26:00 AM) Post reply
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    John, first let me say I don't usually comment on other peoples' poems. Most that I read seem very deep and my simplistic mind experiences trouble processing. But, I felt very compelled to comment on yours. I may get something different out of it but it seems to me that this is about someone with a mental disorder struggling to stay in touch with the real world. He/she is locked in this other world wanting to escape but doesn't know how. I happen to really, really like this poem. I'm not quite sure why but I think it appeals to me because I suffer from Bipolar 1 disorder and it seems this is exactly how I feel. If you do not suffer from a mental disorder I think you have an uncanny ability to relate to people who do. Congrates for reaching into a place in my mind I seldom go.

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