Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop
(10/31/2005 1:37:00 PM)
Hi Elie, I think you have an awful lot to say in this poem, and in my opinion it needs to be a little bit more concise, but still getting the message across. I think perhaps you are trying to explain too much, which make each line a little too long. I had this problem when I first started writing poetry, and I had to be firm with myself and cut out a lot of words. It's not like writing a book, it has to be a bit more condensed. The content is a lovely subject, so try doing a bit of 'cutting' out, a bit of editing, so to speak. I hope you don't think I'm preaching, but it may help. Sincerely Ernestine Northover
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