Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Silent Soul



I am a poet
silently hidden in life's closet
with half-measured expressions
seeking to be made whole
secret imagination longing
to be bold
I am the wind
that echoes in your head
I am your reason
your silent unknown

copyright(c) 2012

Hello Fellow Poets,

I invite you to Read and Comment honestly on my new poem " Caught In Distance" . Thank-you

Please check out my poems and comment on a couple. I would really love to get some feedback on rhythmic and rhyming patterns. Any advice is helpful. Thanks!

I have only a few poems but I would like people to comment their thoughts about them ont them so if you would please at least read them it would be much appreciated thank you

The first mother

Deaths’ scythe is singing, death is a calling
My light is gone, my star has fallen
She called my name like we were lovers
Before I knew it the dream was all over

I cant blame her for what she has done
She will call everyone’s name until we are all gone
She must return what she has borrowed
Deaths’ scythe will be calling you upon the morrow

She was the first mother, she set us free
She is called death but her true name is Eve
Now she must give back what she took
Upon her face you must never look

She is very beautiful, Her beauty is like no other
Her beauty saddens you, her scythe ends your sorrow
She was the first woman, she was the first mother

Please comment. Good or bad. Thank you

Hey I'm a extremely desperate poet desperate for feedback and instructions tips hints criticism and most desperate for betterment no matter how good the cause desperate isn't a good look....please help me out! Messages comments or just reading my poems flood my inbox with criticisms comment with many tips hints suggestions and praise (if you find praise worthy things) please help! !

Some comments please, does it read ok, make sense. Based around a real event.

Pyjama Chase

While most would cherish their whole family
Your only treasure was motherly
The visitor pegs were still like new
May as well of got a refund on the sofa too
I couldn't just be part of the mahogany
To be kicked around like furniture, was never me


A wedding one year party for my bro' I had to go
So what if I worked all day, I'd still come home tho'
The days of frustration were plenty
The excuses you gave were mistrust and jealousy
I'm sure when they gave out compassion
You and your mum must of been on a ration


It was kind of drastic, some would say crazy
When you chased in pyjamas, like a jealous mad lady
To the end of the road, and the alley I went
Peeped out to see your shadow, chasing with dissent
A running man under the moonlight I became
Your bedroom demeanour could of earned you some fame

Though your purpose was scary and intense
You felt one grab could make me see your sense
One more turning and I was sure I'd be alright
Just a few minutes more, for a taxi at midnight
As i stumbled inside, I said where I want to be
Alongside my bro, casue we're all family!

End

Guys... Is my Verse... alive?(haha. I love Emily.)


A Sonnet for Cesar

A gentle face, that mark’d my heart profound-
should hands of mine caress your bony cheek;
A regal visage I would like have crowned,
And I’d traverse your frail and wight physique-
For I’d lick dry your sacred strong demesne.
Your eyes do pore like rain, it chills quite fine;
My lips of liquid drench, could not abstain,
We’d kiss with sweet delight, our souls align!
The orange warmth and measure glowing skin,
and sweeter length of your so lovely bones,
to jaunty widths that is your soul, therein;
and flesh to flesh, I’d love with love- with moans.
And oh, if you were mine, you’d be my rose-
And oh, if we could kiss, I’d stop this prose.

Sonnet

A stormy night it was that shook the trees
Their lofty heads dishevelled by the wind
Like humans waking from their restless sleep
Deprived of vigour, diffusèd in their minds.
That night the blackbird clinging to its nest
Attempting to preserve its fragile breed
From being swept away by zephyr’s jest
Made way to nature’s deadly, heedless deed.
Abandoned and exposèd thus did lie
Two naked eggs the bird was meant to hatch
Still warm and lulled in false security
Yet doomed without their parent's soothing thatch -
And yet, despite such dim imperative
The weak one died, the stronger one survived!

Check this out...i'm kinda new here and will be needing guide from the experienced one...please i want you all to comment on this
" I never knew i could fly
until i see you cry
Patiently waiting for your smile
but it's way long along the tide
you make me walk the mile
even though its for a while
i never knew i could fly
until i see me try..."