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Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


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  • Rookie Shirene Smith (5/13/2014 3:19:00 PM) Post reply
    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.

    @yash Shinde, sorry but I got a little confused along the middle and I never caught up by it's end.

  • Rookie Shirene Smith (5/13/2014 3:18:00 PM) Post reply

    @Frank Ovid, I enjoyed the The Bag Poem, whimsical and humorous.

  • Rookie - 72 Points Yash Shinde (4/30/2014 8:44:00 AM) Post reply

    Dear honest critics, I seek your reviews on this one.....

    ##To bosom thee.....I'll Rise...##..

    He was before his beloved,
    Kneeling on his thighs……..
    His shoulders down,
    With soulful cries…….

    Slid down his cheeks, like shiny pearls,
    The tears that his doleful eyes did shed….
    Was held in them a vision of his mistress,
    Who lied helpless in her cold deathbed….

    Bowing his head, lifting hands in plea,
    Breaking the silence, quoth he-

    ____”Once bound with the essence of thee
    ____I now wash the coast like a restless sea”
    ____”Powered by love my heart did bore,
    ____I’ll trace your impressions on the sandy shore….”

    ____”Turning stones time does flow,
    ____a model of valor, should you lie so low?”
    ____”your mellow fragrance in the darkness behind,
    ____tell me my precious, where will I find?”

    She raised her eyes, deep as a sea,
    In a soothing voice, quoth she-

    ____”See the alluring florets of rose that,
    ____bloom opening their carmine lips, ”
    ____”With a mellow scent, they invite,
    ____butterflies to deliver a kiss…..”

    ____”In blossom of rose you shall see me,
    ____that blooms with the kiss of thee..”
    ____”Amongst trodden hopes and dismal cries,
    ____like the sun of hope I will rise! ”

    ____”Thus like a rose dwelling
    ____in the eyes of thee”
    ____”In curls of petals,
    ____You shall find me…”

    With his blood hitting his veins like an edgy sea,
    In a painful voice quoth he-

    ____”Every blossom does wither with time,
    ____every Bonnie creation someday declines.”
    ____”In the withered remnants dispelled behind
    ____ tell me my love where would I find?”

    Wiping the tears his had shed.
    With calmness of a sage, his beloved said-

    ____”If you wash the shore like a restless sea.
    ____in spiriting rivers you shall find me..”
    ____”Which through meandering turns do make their course,
    ____and cut through boulders to reach their source…”

    ____”Like a river unifying with salinity of the sea,
    ____I lose my soul, and ally with thee..”

    ____”If like a graceful dove you’ll appraise the sky, ____
    ____like a breeze from the surface, I’ll rise” ____
    ____”Like a phoenix that rises from ashes to life, ____
    ____to wipe your tears from dust I’ll rise”____
    ____”Like an angel that dwells in heavenly paradise, ____
    ____to empower the oceanic tides, like moon I’ll rise”____
    ____”In my portrait I’ll live that dwells in your eyne,
    ____Like a fragrance that scents I’ll rise” ____

    - - -”Search me not the remnants behind,
    - - -But in the stillness of your soul, me you’ll find”
    - - -Mortals do vanish, true love never dies…
    - - -To bosom thee, from dead I’ll rise….

    ______________________

    The pearls slid smoothly over his facial curls,
    And wet the still heart that bore his name…
    The silent heart of a sacred soul,
    Dipped in the bloody tears, pious it became……


    Copyright © Yash Shinde 2014

  • Rookie - 808 Points Herbert Guitang (4/22/2014 4:18:00 AM) Post reply

    Kindly check my poems to the poet page and check my rhyming of lines. Thank you very much

  • Rookie - 546 Points Frank Ovid (4/18/2014 1:39:00 PM) Post reply

    For: She Who Weakened


    i poured a poesy
    from a jar in a field

    full of two-petaled
    daisies that were

    not mechanical
    boxes filled with

    churning lubricant,
    and she

    had on a dead
    man's shirt.

    purple plaid.
    the sun was just

    coming up, and
    our shoes were

    covered with dew

  • Rookie - 546 Points Frank Ovid (4/13/2014 8:02:00 PM) Post reply

    Mam, there's been a HUGE misunderstanding. I sent that poem to 4 different members for their opinion,3 of whom are male. NOT JUST YOU! The poem is abstract, NOT about a person (much less you) . In no way was poem meant to be 'nasty'. You didn't like it. Fine. I understand. My poetry is not for everyone, and I prefer it that way. You've been replying to some others on the forum and I thought maybe you liked them. I guess not. (why were you commenting then, just to make fun of me?not sure if I understand) I don't 'cruise' for anybody or anything by the way. Just pretend it all never happened I guess. I'm fairly confused to honest.

  • Rookie - 546 Points Frank Ovid (4/12/2014 9:31:00 PM) Post reply

    The Bag With Something Soft Inside


    Once I had a bag that
    had something soft
    inside.
    I felt in that bag.
    I felt that soft.
    The soft was on the
    inside. It was soft.
    And it was a bag.
    Around the soft
    there was a bag.
    A bag with soft
    inside of it.
    Did I mention it
    was blue?

  • Rookie Michael Hylton (4/7/2014 6:04:00 AM) Post reply

    It's funny! But I've been searching through the forums on this site, everywhere I look all I find is people posting their own poems. Is not the purpose of these forums to discuss ways and techniques in writing poems?Is not the purpose to create ideas on how to write?If so, then where are the discussions, where are the techniques and ideas. I have not found any advice, techniques or ideas on writing. Maybe it’s just me.

  • Rookie A Gra (3/18/2014 1:25:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    I can't believe I wrote a poem in like 2 minutes without even thinking!

    Replies for this message:
    • Rookie Frank Ovid (3/18/2014 6:25:00 PM) Post reply

      That's how long it takes me. That's because I'm an Ovid. Ovid's have great rhythm. Congrats to you young man! (or woman, whatever the case may be)

  • Rookie - 546 Points Frank Ovid (3/17/2014 9:51:00 PM) Post reply

    I was being super-duper rhythmic today. Moving. Grooving. Being rhythmic to the max. I wish I would have written that sh*t down. 'Lost opportunity' was all I could think about. Darn-it!

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