Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Hi Wayne! I think you've said it when you said it's a matter of taste. You will get some people that think any rhyme is forced and unnatural while on the same poem others will think the rhyme seemed to flow so naturally that it almost seemed effortless. To each their own I say. I'm not a big believer in strict rules of any type when it comes to poetry. I think we risk losing something very special when we start limiting what's accepted. Personally I prefer a rhyming poem and the rhythm just seems to go along with it. I think that's when it really 'sings' to me as poetry should. I have found many poets here that write without rhyme and not only have I found myself enjoying it, but I've also found myself inspired to try some free verse of my own. So, as for your poem.......I love it! I think the last words in each line just add that little touch of drama that brings it to life! I enjoyed this poem very much Wayne. Thanks for posting it. :) Sincerely, Mary

Thanks to Wayne for posting onto the Rhythm and Rhyme workshop, great stuff, anyone else going to get the ball rolling? Aren't we a shy lot! ! ! ! ! Love Ernestine XXX

Hello, Ernestine, Mary, and other R+R visitors. Does seem a bit sad this workshop gets so little input, so since no one else seems ready to volunteer … hope the following is on topic. I’m new to the site, and have only just begun to write again after ages away from poetry, so I may be way behind on this, but in trying to capture certain things in poems, I am finding that, at least for me, there seem to be times when nothing else works like rhythm and rhyme.

Wrote a poem called Gone a few days ago (copied below) , in which I tried to capture the rolling tide of emotions that the actress Zhang Ziyi goes through in the doorway scene of the movie 2046. If you haven’t seen the film, I might mention it’s received numerous awards, and some critics consider Zhang Ziyi the best actress around these days. The film also has a powerful musical score that often seems like a separate force, engulfing and sweeping the characters along.

When I posted Gone, a couple of members said they liked the rhyme. One seemed neutral. And one suggested deleting the rhyme words from the end of each line. Ironically, my first drafts of Gone did not include the ending rhyme words. I added them (and the cross rhymes and rhythms) because I felt I needed something more to help convey the doorway scene’s music and emotion. Before adding them, I felt it was a bit like watching the scene with the Mandarin soundtrack turned off, and only the subtitles on. But some would obviously disagree.

Just a matter of taste, perhaps. Still, it seemed that some of the questions raised by considering Gone with and without the ending rhyme words might be of interest here. When, for instance, do rhythm and rhyme seem likely to add something special? When are they likely to detract? What kinds of rhythm and rhyme work best with what kinds of poems? How much is it possible to generalize?

Would welcome any thoughts members may have on these or other such points.

Gone

She looked into his eyes, hurting
Her lips still pursed, flirting

She took a step forward, halted
Her mouth tried for words, faltered

The line of his jaw, resisting
The glint in his eye, insisting

Her face froze for a moment, cold
She looked down again, old

He spoke softly then, rhythmic
His words seemed to help, sympathetic

She looked up again, searching
Her mind tried to work, lurching

Her arms reached for him, hoping
She almost braved a smile, coping

The quick touch of his hand, drifting
The frame of his body, twisting

He began to move away, betraying
His steps down the stairs, fading

Her heart seemed to stop, broken
She broke into sobs, choking

After so many nights, unending
After so much hope, intending

There was nothing to show
There was nowhere to go

(dedicated to Zhang Ziyi and 2046)

Wayne Guy Butterfield

Hey.........that went well huh Ernestine?

Hi, all you rhymers out there. I notice that the Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop doesn't get a lot of input, which is rather sad, so is there anyone out there who would like to contribute with some sensible and interesting information, conversation, fun bits, sad bits, whatever comes to mind, I think it aught to be used as it's here for our benefit. Anyway, anyone want to follow this epistle! ! ! ! ! ! ! If so, over to you. Sincerely Ernestine.

Hi folks. I am a very recent member. I would like an objective evaluation of my poem. please be honest. thanks. Frank Roth

Find Me In My Poems


You will find me in my poems
If you take the time to see
There’s a little bit of my life
In every one you read

So do not be a stranger
Come on in and close the door
Read about my life of danger
And about the days of yore

You will find some bits and pieces
That could only come from me
And if you look more closely
You may find a family tree

I have never wrote a poem
Till with cancer was diagnosed
Then God granted me this favour
To make my life the most

And if you ever wonder
Whats become of me these days
I may be living up in heaven
Thinking up another phrase

Frank Roth

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I wrote my first villanelle in June. Please let me know of any suggestions you might have.

Rooted Prayer

My roots lie deep beneath the land,
and anchorline time cannot slay;
they hold against the shifting sand.

I cling to place with my right hand;
minutes and seconds go astray.
My roots lie deep beneath the land.

So stop all motion by command,
and brace against the windy sway;
hold, hold against the shifting sand.

Loose grains of sand flowing unplanned,
while restless thoughts are kept at bay;
my roots lie deep beneath the land.

Force my gypsy-dreams to disband
and keep me fast from time's decay;
just hold- against the shifting sand.

Bind me up with deep soil's firm band.
Cause my heart to still- and pray;
for roots lie deep beneath the land,
and hold against the shifting sand.

I would like honest opinions and critiques on this poem. I used to write a lot when I was younger but it's been a while. So please be honest!

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?


Everybody would like to know,
Is there life after love?
Or will the pain and suffering grow?
Looking for answers from up above?

The very first time is always the worst,
You cry and you beg till you can’t anymore,
You feel like you are in a sea submersed,
Doesn’t he understand it’s him I adore?

Incomprehension of how it could end,
Spiraling downward, slowly descending
Analyze whole relationship until ending
Hatred for him becomes your new best friend.

Then the broken heart starts to recover,
You realize one day you are tired of crying
Tired of hating, and of overanalyzing
Life moves on, often with a new lover.

A scar will remain forever in your heart,
The broken hearted move on with a fresh start.

please reply regarding this poem-

Broken Hearted
By D.M. Barber

The hunger within
Can’t break the fast
You broke my heart
You were the last

For time will pass
I will grow old
But the way you loved me
‘Twas so cold

So cold it burns
It leaves a scar
So precious and clean
Carved by a tsar

The hurt within
Will come to my grave
The hurt within
It makes me a slave

A broken heart
The worst pain felt
But the games not over
More cards to be dealt

Hello people,
i just need professional opinions for 2 of my poems 'my promise' and 'till we meet again', it's very urgent and important. post your opinions directly to me, or in here. i heard people say that i have a unique style of writing. and i'm asking yours. thank you all in advance.

Till we meet again
 
 
It’s hard to say goodbye, and leave everything behind
But, my dear, I am forced to leave far away and hide
Away from you, and weep every moment we spent together
But what can I do, if faith holds us apart from each other?

I struggled so long, till I forgot the reason behind the pain
But all I know, is that every time I see you, my heart beats again
In stormy nights, and shiny days, summer breezes, and winter bites
I struggled till I couldn’t no more; I surrendered and delivered the fight

It’s time to say goodbye, I kiss your hand while I am down on my knees
Knowing that you will never be mine, denying that you belong to me
The fight is over, the war is lost, and through the ashes, you will find me
Alone, broken, screaming your name, as my wounds are killing me

How I always wanted to say to you how much I love you
How I desired one honest look from your eyes, into the depths of my soul
But, you never understand what I want, or you knew and never desired me
You preferred others, made mistakes, and were too blind to see

What you’ve done to my heart, what you’ve done to my soul and my mind
It’s time for me to leave, to tear away what’s left from me, and leave you behind
How life is not fair, how love is ruthless, how feelings get dissolved and fade away
I will go to bed tonight, and cry you one last time, and tomorrow, I will start a new day

I will march the gardens of misery, and try to find a rose, all alone like me
I will give her love, warm, comfort, water, and sun; I will kiss her thorns and bleed
And none of you will remain, but a name written on my heart with fire
You shall always be forever my lost love, my lost need, my lost desire...