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Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

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  • Coreena Dejesus (3/10/2008 8:23:00 AM) Post reply

    Looking for some constructive criticism, I've always just wrote poems but actually want to improve on writing them. If my 'poet experts' could read a few of my poems and give me some advise i would highly apperciate it. Thanks in advance.

  • Snowheart Axisetreme (2/10/2008 4:11:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Love’s Pity—A Period With No Fairytale

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    Love’s Pity—A Period With No Fairytale
    -Lily Story

    By the carved window tossing the flower
    Outside the lovely lily standing the tower
    Next to the young petal the princess heaves a cry
    Even this not holds her blush flaming shy

    The cell she wrapped was so high
    High enough to touch the sky
    The sky watches, expect to escape she count on love, of great power
    So all days she just waits, the sun and star lights give a daily shower

    While the coming rescue was a trick
    So how angry feels the beautiful lily
    The princess gets ferocious and sick
    Lay in bed so silly

    No one willing to take a risk, love’s pity
    To trade lover’s live with their own, not a duty
    The conscious lays in vague, and eyes too, misty
    Silent and sorrowful dying is the princess, poor beauty

    韵 律 : a-a-b-b-b-b-a-a

    真 爱 之 伤
    -百 合 传 说
    镂 空 的 窗 边 摇 曳 着 娇 花
    娇 花 的 外 边 矗 立 着 高 塔
    娇 花 丛 中 的 公 主 悲 叹 着 泪 下
    即 便 这 般 忧 伤 也 不 掩 她 玉 颜 粉 面 的 羞 晕 飞 霞

    她 身 陷 的 巨 塔 高 耸 参 天
    只 有 闪 烁 的 星 星 才 有 缘 与 她 相 见
    不 过 , 她 已 将 自 己 一 生 的 命 运 托 付 给 了 神 奇 美 妙 的 爱 情
    因 此 她 披 星 戴 月 , 终 日 等 待 着 心 上 梦 中 之 人 救 她 于 樊 笼 陷 阱

    可 是 , 可 是 那 渴 望 已 久 的 伟 大 拯 救
    其 实 只 是 她 日 夜 期 盼 空 造 出 来 的 海 市 蜃 楼
    窗 边 的 百 合 有 力 为 世 人 的 薄 情 而 怨 愤 许 久
    却 无 力 抗 拒 凋 零 万 蕊 的 冷 酷 清 秋

    美 丽 的 公 主 终 于 伤 痛 成 疾
    颊 上 的 红 晕 也 已 销 声 匿 迹
    蜷 缩 床 角 的 脆 弱 身 子 多 么 无 力
    秋 雨 也 为 她 的 无 助 而 伤 神 啜 泣

    世 间 人 人 盼 望 得 到 公 主 的 温 语 缠 绵
    却 没 有 一 个 甘 冒 生 命 危 险 挺 身 救 援
    我 们 也 无 法 指 摘 说 享 受 各 自 的 快 乐 是 他 们 自 私 冷 漠 的 错 误
    的 确 , 为 了 心 爱 的 人 献 出 自 己 的 生 命 并 非 不 可 推 卸 的 义 务

    只 可 惜 美 丽 的 百 合 凋 零 地 多 么 孤 苦
    满 怀 忧 伤 的 痛 哭 开 不 出 一 条 爱 的 道 路
    朦 胧 的 泪 眼 中 游 离 着 的 意 识 清 晰 地 写 满 了 无 助
    单 纯 的 眼 睛 看 爱 看 得 多 么 盲 如 隔 雾

    诗 情 天 子 自 云 :

    没 有 纯 爱 的 时 代 多 么 遗 憾
    伤 感 翻 涌 禁 不 住 苦 泪 涟 涟
    觅 到 拯 救 我 的 知 心 是 我 今 生 最 大 的 心 愿
    擦 干 泪 眼 , 再 次 等 待 绽 放 我 那 缤 纷 如 梦 的 明 天

    Replies for this message:
    • Hamid Kareem (2/25/2008 6:40:00 AM) Post reply

      hey i like the rhyming but i think you were kind of dangling in btw the theme and your rhyming. you were trying so hard to make rhymes. believe if you let it come you can make this poem better than i ... more

  • CU2urDream Lost (2/2/2008 12:06:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Looks easy hey, well it is. In fact it's so easy and fun and once you start you will be creating delightful, surprising and amusing variations all day long.

    Write the names of colours that contain only one syllable and along side write words that rhyme with each colour. Eventually, given some time and effort you will have a list similar to this: -


    · Wed, Said, Dead, Fed, Head, Lead and Bed.


    · Who, Too, Two, Through, You, Shoe, Stew, Do, Few, Flu, Glue, Loo, Zoo and Clue.


    · Wink, Rink, Sink, Stink, Drink, Kink, Link, Zinc, Blink and Mink.


    · Right, Tight, Sight, Fight, Fright, Height, Kite, Light, Sight, Bright, Night and Might.


    · Drown, Down, Town, Gown, Frown, Crown and Noun.


    · Told, Poled, Sold, Fold, Hold, Cold, Bold and Mould.


    · Way, Ray, Pay, Say, Day, Gay, Hey, Lay, Stay, Day, Fray, Clay, Bay and May.


    · Teen, Preen, Seen, Keen, Lean, Bean, Glean and Mean.

    OK, now you're ready for the fun and creative bit! Start off with a 'fill in the blank' poetry completion exercise and recite the following stanza, and fill in the blank at the end.

    If you pick 'Red' say:

    Roses are blue.
    Violets are red,
    If you think this is right,
    You have rocks in your HEAD

    If you pick 'blue' say:

    Roses are red.
    Violets are Blue,
    I'm sticking with you,
    Coz your made out of FEW

    If you pick 'Pink' say:

    Violets are blue.
    Roses are pink,
    Did you just fart,
    Or is that your feet that really STINK

    If you pick 'White' say:

    Roses are red.
    Snowflakes are white,
    Please be my Valentine
    Coz you're Mr RIGHT

    If you pick 'Green' say:

    Roses are red,
    Lizards are green,
    Did you know you have the longest tounge,
    I've ever SEEN

    Hope your getting the idea, your next step once you've caught on to the 'fill in the blank' idea is to complete an entire poem on your own.

    This is a quite a challenging exercise and one that can be worked on at anytime. Speaking of which, here's another poem for you: -

    Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    I made this poem up,
    Whilst sitting on the loo.

    Replies for this message:
    • Bonnie Collins (5/20/2008 11:00:00 PM) Post reply

      This is funny, when I took Creative Writting all through high school, we this was one of the exersizes we had to learn the art of for example, use nouns with given words, list them then go back and to ... more

  • Ian Alexander (1/30/2008 2:19:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello anyone who reads this, if you like Rhyming, depending on what kinda of rhyming you have in mind, you might like to see what i have written, for the intellectual hip hop/slam poets, or.. just for people living life. Any questions, i'd love to answer em.

    As for the discussion, i find it just natural to go into a rhyme, i can't really seem to write anything without wanting to rhyme it. I guess it's just in my blood.
    Slam poetry is in the blood of Puerto Rican people, being Puerto Rican, i've got to carry this torch on.

  • Tiffanie Lau (1/28/2008 11:49:00 PM) Post reply

    I usually write in iambic form. They are really the natural rhythm of the English language, just see poets like Shakespeare, Poe, Brownings use them, when read out they fit so nicely. And i agree that the limitation rhythm brings can force you to think in unconventional ways, and thus make your poems more interesting!

  • Scot Warren (1/23/2008 9:47:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    i like to rhyme my poems, because it forces me to think of things in a different way. i end up rewording my sentences slightly. this sometimes trigger new thoughts. i use the limitation as inspiration. plus it's fun to do. always continue to think of new ways to write things. best of luck

    Replies for this message:
    • Hamid Kareem (2/26/2008 5:45:00 AM) Post reply

      rhyming in my poemscomes naturally. it really depends on the typeof poem and how i wantto write it. although i also reword my sentences as it trigggers new thoughts and sometimes changes the whole th ... more

  • Csdb Kind (1/20/2008 11:27:00 PM) Post reply

    i see poems as the inside to his mind.. pick away the layers and see the poor lost boy or the rich young prince, ,
    thats it

  • Raluca Ratiu (1/15/2008 3:25:00 PM) Post reply

    I write in rhymes too, not because I don't know a different style, but because that's the way that i can express myself better... i guess everybody has it's own way of expression...

  • Josie Whitehead (1/12/2008 5:10:00 AM) Post reply | Read 3 replies

    I am a poet who writes in rhyme and rhythm, and it would be lovely to see a discussion on this subject in this forum. I don't think, perhaps, that this is a place to post your poems as there is a place for that.

    Could I please start up a DISCUSSION:

    I often find that if I have a song, a piece of music or have read a particularly rhyming and rhythmic poem beforehand - this helps me to get my rhythm for my own poem.

    What particularly helps you all in this forum? Answers please - not more of your own poems to display for we all write poems in this way, and quite well.

    Replies for this message:
    • Bonnie Collins (5/20/2008 10:50:00 PM) Post reply

      I enjoy writting more of a free flow than to rhythm or rhyme, very seldom do I ever rhyme, somehow it distracts me as a writter in doing so, sound wierd? I guess we all are who we are... And I must sa ... more

    • Lime and Tequila with a Splash of Pineapple (1/25/2008 1:14:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      I write in a variety of styles, including rhyme. For me, the real trick is not the rhyme, but the meter. I work hard on my meter, but it doesn't always flow the way I'd like.

    • Vikram Aarella - The Poem Shooter (1/14/2008 12:33:00 PM) Post reply

      I like rhymes Josie, its gives that much needed punch to the poem and appears more striking

  • Trade Martin Rookie - 1st Stage (12/31/2007 8:58:00 AM) Post reply


    Dear Lord, let us pray…….,
    Bless all PoemHunter poets….,
    Including of course……,
    Whatever forum they frequent…….,
    On this New Years Eve of 2007…….,
    With health and happiness for 2008……,
    And every year yet to come……,
    Then fill us all with creativity…….,
    Prosperity and true love…….,
    Bring the whole world…….,
    To the peace and tranquility…….,
    We all dream and write about……,
    In our PoemHunter poetry…….,
    This is a Prosperous, PoemHunter Poet’s Prayer….! ! !


    (THANK YOU JESUS…..! ! !)

    ….Trade Martin,2007.

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