Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop
(4/30/2014 8:44:00 AM)
Dear honest critics, I seek your reviews on this one.....
##To bosom thee.....I'll Rise...##..
He was before his beloved,
Kneeling on his thighs……..
His shoulders down,
With soulful cries…….
Slid down his cheeks, like shiny pearls,
The tears that his doleful eyes did shed….
Was held in them a vision of his mistress,
Who lied helpless in her cold deathbed….
Bowing his head, lifting hands in plea,
Breaking the silence, quoth he-
____”Once bound with the essence of thee
____I now wash the coast like a restless sea”
____”Powered by love my heart did bore,
____I’ll trace your impressions on the sandy shore….”
____”Turning stones time does flow,
____a model of valor, should you lie so low?”
____”your mellow fragrance in the darkness behind,
____tell me my precious, where will I find?”
She raised her eyes, deep as a sea,
In a soothing voice, quoth she-
____”See the alluring florets of rose that,
____bloom opening their carmine lips, ”
____”With a mellow scent, they invite,
____butterflies to deliver a kiss…..”
____”In blossom of rose you shall see me,
____that blooms with the kiss of thee..”
____”Amongst trodden hopes and dismal cries,
____like the sun of hope I will rise! ”
____”Thus like a rose dwelling
____in the eyes of thee”
____”In curls of petals,
____You shall find me…”
With his blood hitting his veins like an edgy sea,
In a painful voice quoth he-
____”Every blossom does wither with time,
____every Bonnie creation someday declines.”
____”In the withered remnants dispelled behind
____ tell me my love where would I find?”
Wiping the tears his had shed.
With calmness of a sage, his beloved said-
____”If you wash the shore like a restless sea.
____in spiriting rivers you shall find me..”
____”Which through meandering turns do make their course,
____and cut through boulders to reach their source…”
____”Like a river unifying with salinity of the sea,
____I lose my soul, and ally with thee..”
____”If like a graceful dove you’ll appraise the sky, ____
____like a breeze from the surface, I’ll rise” ____
____”Like a phoenix that rises from ashes to life, ____
____to wipe your tears from dust I’ll rise”____
____”Like an angel that dwells in heavenly paradise, ____
____to empower the oceanic tides, like moon I’ll rise”____
____”In my portrait I’ll live that dwells in your eyne,
____Like a fragrance that scents I’ll rise” ____
- - -”Search me not the remnants behind,
- - -But in the stillness of your soul, me you’ll find”
- - -Mortals do vanish, true love never dies…
- - -To bosom thee, from dead I’ll rise….
The pearls slid smoothly over his facial curls,
And wet the still heart that bore his name…
The silent heart of a sacred soul,
Dipped in the bloody tears, pious it became……
Copyright © Yash Shinde 2014
(4/22/2014 4:18:00 AM)
Kindly check my poems to the poet page and check my rhyming of lines. Thank you very much
(4/18/2014 1:39:00 PM)
For: She Who Weakened
i poured a poesy
from a jar in a field
full of two-petaled
daisies that were
boxes filled with
had on a dead
the sun was just
coming up, and
our shoes were
covered with dew
(4/13/2014 8:02:00 PM)
Mam, there's been a HUGE misunderstanding. I sent that poem to 4 different members for their opinion,3 of whom are male. NOT JUST YOU! The poem is abstract, NOT about a person (much less you) . In no way was poem meant to be 'nasty'. You didn't like it. Fine. I understand. My poetry is not for everyone, and I prefer it that way. You've been replying to some others on the forum and I thought maybe you liked them. I guess not. (why were you commenting then, just to make fun of me?not sure if I understand) I don't 'cruise' for anybody or anything by the way. Just pretend it all never happened I guess. I'm fairly confused to honest.
(4/12/2014 9:31:00 PM)
The Bag With Something Soft Inside
Once I had a bag that
had something soft
I felt in that bag.
I felt that soft.
The soft was on the
inside. It was soft.
And it was a bag.
Around the soft
there was a bag.
A bag with soft
inside of it.
Did I mention it
(4/7/2014 6:04:00 AM)
It's funny! But I've been searching through the forums on this site, everywhere I look all I find is people posting their own poems. Is not the purpose of these forums to discuss ways and techniques in writing poems?Is not the purpose to create ideas on how to write?If so, then where are the discussions, where are the techniques and ideas. I have not found any advice, techniques or ideas on writing. Maybe it’s just me.
(3/18/2014 1:25:00 PM)
| Read 1 reply
I can't believe I wrote a poem in like 2 minutes without even thinking!
(3/17/2014 9:51:00 PM)
I was being super-duper rhythmic today. Moving. Grooving. Being rhythmic to the max. I wish I would have written that sh*t down. 'Lost opportunity' was all I could think about. Darn-it!
(3/10/2014 11:58:00 AM)
I just finished moving over here from the Freeform Workshop. Pens, pencils, paper, coffee pot. The works. I've made the switch to rhythm and meter. No more Free-form stuff. That's baby stuff. Much to some people's chagrin, I've abandoned Free-form. Free-form is for numbskulls anyway. 'Oh, look at my red wheelbarrow, how wet it is' Jesus, what crap! There's no movement. No 'music' in that kind of stuff. I want to flow like water down a stream, gurgling past rocks and boulders. Flowing rhythmically across the grassy knoll is my charge!
Oh, and rhyming! I almost forgot. I want to rhyme everything! 'Come hither, my little zither', and 'bop, bop, allu-bop, a bing, bang, boom'. You know, poems with complicated meter and rhyming. I want to start with limericks. Limericks are so musical. You can dance a little jig while you recite them. You can recite them (while atop a table in a pub) dancing a little jig. (See how I repeated that?Very rhythmic, like Ovid, my ancestor) I want to dance around like Gene Kelly (Irish guy) singing my limericks to other drunk people is basically what I'm saying.
(3/6/2014 7:34:00 AM)
Dear fellows. I was until recently a soldier, of a very elite group. And as a result wanted something more beautidful in my life. I; ve always been a student of ancient Japanese culture, and collector of their objet d; art; (AND NO. I do not own one Katana or 'Samurai-sword) . A girl I was seeing via internet persuaded me to try to write some poetry, so I tried.
The results are posted on this site.
What I wanted was more opinion, Honest critisism. Where it should be improved etc?
All I got was a rant entitled 'CURB YOUR BLOOD LUSt' a member I wont name here, who had obviously misunderstood the entire poem's meaning!
Or have I written it so badly that it reads as a call to arms of some sort?
PLEASE; If you have the time to read my work 'Rememberance Day', I would love to hear your thoughts, and honest opinions on wgere I went wrong. Thank You. Gary Drake.