Treasure Island

Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Post a message
  • Yash Shinde (4/30/2014 8:44:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Dear honest critics, I seek your reviews on this one.....

    ##To bosom thee.....I'll Rise...##..

    He was before his beloved,
    Kneeling on his thighs……..
    His shoulders down,
    With soulful cries…….

    Slid down his cheeks, like shiny pearls,
    The tears that his doleful eyes did shed….
    Was held in them a vision of his mistress,
    Who lied helpless in her cold deathbed….

    Bowing his head, lifting hands in plea,
    Breaking the silence, quoth he-

    ____”Once bound with the essence of thee
    ____I now wash the coast like a restless sea”
    ____”Powered by love my heart did bore,
    ____I’ll trace your impressions on the sandy shore….”

    ____”Turning stones time does flow,
    ____a model of valor, should you lie so low?”
    ____”your mellow fragrance in the darkness behind,
    ____tell me my precious, where will I find?”

    She raised her eyes, deep as a sea,
    In a soothing voice, quoth she-

    ____”See the alluring florets of rose that,
    ____bloom opening their carmine lips, ”
    ____”With a mellow scent, they invite,
    ____butterflies to deliver a kiss…..”

    ____”In blossom of rose you shall see me,
    ____that blooms with the kiss of thee..”
    ____”Amongst trodden hopes and dismal cries,
    ____like the sun of hope I will rise! ”

    ____”Thus like a rose dwelling
    ____in the eyes of thee”
    ____”In curls of petals,
    ____You shall find me…”

    With his blood hitting his veins like an edgy sea,
    In a painful voice quoth he-

    ____”Every blossom does wither with time,
    ____every Bonnie creation someday declines.”
    ____”In the withered remnants dispelled behind
    ____ tell me my love where would I find?”

    Wiping the tears his had shed.
    With calmness of a sage, his beloved said-

    ____”If you wash the shore like a restless sea.
    ____in spiriting rivers you shall find me..”
    ____”Which through meandering turns do make their course,
    ____and cut through boulders to reach their source…”

    ____”Like a river unifying with salinity of the sea,
    ____I lose my soul, and ally with thee..”

    ____”If like a graceful dove you’ll appraise the sky, ____
    ____like a breeze from the surface, I’ll rise” ____
    ____”Like a phoenix that rises from ashes to life, ____
    ____to wipe your tears from dust I’ll rise”____
    ____”Like an angel that dwells in heavenly paradise, ____
    ____to empower the oceanic tides, like moon I’ll rise”____
    ____”In my portrait I’ll live that dwells in your eyne,
    ____Like a fragrance that scents I’ll rise” ____

    - - -”Search me not the remnants behind,
    - - -But in the stillness of your soul, me you’ll find”
    - - -Mortals do vanish, true love never dies…
    - - -To bosom thee, from dead I’ll rise….


    The pearls slid smoothly over his facial curls,
    And wet the still heart that bore his name…
    The silent heart of a sacred soul,
    Dipped in the bloody tears, pious it became……

    Copyright © Yash Shinde 2014

  • Herbert Guitang (4/22/2014 4:18:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Kindly check my poems to the poet page and check my rhyming of lines. Thank you very much

  • Frank Ovid (4/18/2014 1:39:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    For: She Who Weakened

    i poured a poesy
    from a jar in a field

    full of two-petaled
    daisies that were

    not mechanical
    boxes filled with

    churning lubricant,
    and she

    had on a dead
    man's shirt.

    purple plaid.
    the sun was just

    coming up, and
    our shoes were

    covered with dew

  • Frank Ovid (4/13/2014 8:02:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Mam, there's been a HUGE misunderstanding. I sent that poem to 4 different members for their opinion,3 of whom are male. NOT JUST YOU! The poem is abstract, NOT about a person (much less you) . In no way was poem meant to be 'nasty'. You didn't like it. Fine. I understand. My poetry is not for everyone, and I prefer it that way. You've been replying to some others on the forum and I thought maybe you liked them. I guess not. (why were you commenting then, just to make fun of me?not sure if I understand) I don't 'cruise' for anybody or anything by the way. Just pretend it all never happened I guess. I'm fairly confused to honest.

  • Frank Ovid (4/12/2014 9:31:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    The Bag With Something Soft Inside

    Once I had a bag that
    had something soft
    I felt in that bag.
    I felt that soft.
    The soft was on the
    inside. It was soft.
    And it was a bag.
    Around the soft
    there was a bag.
    A bag with soft
    inside of it.
    Did I mention it
    was blue?

  • Michael Hylton (4/7/2014 6:04:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    It's funny! But I've been searching through the forums on this site, everywhere I look all I find is people posting their own poems. Is not the purpose of these forums to discuss ways and techniques in writing poems?Is not the purpose to create ideas on how to write?If so, then where are the discussions, where are the techniques and ideas. I have not found any advice, techniques or ideas on writing. Maybe it’s just me.

  • A Gra (3/18/2014 1:25:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    I can't believe I wrote a poem in like 2 minutes without even thinking!

    Replies for this message:
    • Frank Ovid (3/18/2014 6:25:00 PM) Post reply Stage

      That's how long it takes me. That's because I'm an Ovid. Ovid's have great rhythm. Congrats to you young man! (or woman, whatever the case may be)

  • Frank Ovid (3/17/2014 9:51:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    I was being super-duper rhythmic today. Moving. Grooving. Being rhythmic to the max. I wish I would have written that sh*t down. 'Lost opportunity' was all I could think about. Darn-it!

  • Frank Ovid (3/10/2014 11:58:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    I just finished moving over here from the Freeform Workshop. Pens, pencils, paper, coffee pot. The works. I've made the switch to rhythm and meter. No more Free-form stuff. That's baby stuff. Much to some people's chagrin, I've abandoned Free-form. Free-form is for numbskulls anyway. 'Oh, look at my red wheelbarrow, how wet it is' Jesus, what crap! There's no movement. No 'music' in that kind of stuff. I want to flow like water down a stream, gurgling past rocks and boulders. Flowing rhythmically across the grassy knoll is my charge!
    Oh, and rhyming! I almost forgot. I want to rhyme everything! 'Come hither, my little zither', and 'bop, bop, allu-bop, a bing, bang, boom'. You know, poems with complicated meter and rhyming. I want to start with limericks. Limericks are so musical. You can dance a little jig while you recite them. You can recite them (while atop a table in a pub) dancing a little jig. (See how I repeated that?Very rhythmic, like Ovid, my ancestor) I want to dance around like Gene Kelly (Irish guy) singing my limericks to other drunk people is basically what I'm saying.

  • Gary Drake (3/6/2014 7:34:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Dear fellows. I was until recently a soldier, of a very elite group. And as a result wanted something more beautidful in my life. I; ve always been a student of ancient Japanese culture, and collector of their objet d; art; (AND NO. I do not own one Katana or 'Samurai-sword) . A girl I was seeing via internet persuaded me to try to write some poetry, so I tried.
    The results are posted on this site.
    What I wanted was more opinion, Honest critisism. Where it should be improved etc?
    All I got was a rant entitled 'CURB YOUR BLOOD LUSt' a member I wont name here, who had obviously misunderstood the entire poem's meaning!
    Or have I written it so badly that it reads as a call to arms of some sort?
    PLEASE; If you have the time to read my work 'Rememberance Day', I would love to hear your thoughts, and honest opinions on wgere I went wrong. Thank You. Gary Drake.

[Hata Bildir]