Treasure Island

Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


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  • the poet (3/22/2008 8:40:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    Rain is Falling

    Rain, rain, its always raining,
    Rain, rain, I end up saying,
    Rain, rain, please go away now,
    Rain, rain, just leave right now,
    Rain, rain, don’t know how,
    I don’t care how,
    To make my rainy day just go away…

    So I stand,
    in the pouring rain,
    So I can,
    feel the growing pain,
    Of having rain,
    coming down like the Armageddon flame.

    I can see raindrops playing their game,
    Even though they look the same,
    I know that there is more to rain……

    ~Hey guys what do you think about this poem? ?

    Replies for this message:
    • Hamid Kareem (3/26/2008 10:06:00 AM) Post reply Stage

      tis okay though the first stanza could have been beter but tis nice altogether

  • Tired of Being Exploited (3/19/2008 2:12:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    Crappy Poem

    a group of words that somewhat relate
    do not a piece of poetry make
    bereft of content, flow or style
    they’re just another steaming pile

    and even if the rhyme is true
    doesn’t mean applause is due
    when imagery and metaphor
    cannot be accounted for

    yet, here lies a set of lines
    wasting all its readers’ time
    sure, as fluff, it’s kind of fun
    but there’s no art before it’s done

    and I suspect that some would say
    that structure-wise, it seems okay
    the sing-song meter is well designed
    and the craft is true in all its parts

    but how this little ditty fails
    is in the way that it appeals
    to the aesthetic of the mind
    yet inspires nothing in the heart

    -Jack Lovelle

    Replies for this message:
  • Hamid Kareem (3/18/2008 8:05:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    pls check out my poems. though i've never really written a poem for the sole purpose of rhyming

  • kdkjbhd nkzdhvlikhs (3/12/2008 6:52:00 PM) Post reply | Read 3 replies Stage

    Failed to notice


    A serenity I have felt but fail to notice why
    long vacations of unawareness have I been through
    Ignorance is in thought and mind
    Filter it with knowledge and enlightenment

    A window of intention has awaken my eyes in absolute despair
    A time card has been taken to influence and inspire
    A life without destination is a life without meaning
    Believe in self and you will achieve


    A cocoon of ignorance I have experienced
    Once in and forever out
    I cast my wings out with the ambition to learn and progress
    Graciously flying with a haste to change a world we despise

    Time is viciously apparent and will end, immortality is at hand

    give me your opinion please! ! !

    Replies for this message:
    • Hamid Kareem (3/18/2008 8:03:00 AM) Post reply Stage

      i cant find rhyming..... but maybe i failed to notice which i doubt

    • Hamid Kareem (3/18/2008 8:03:00 AM) Post reply Stage

      i cant find rhyming..... but maybe i failed to notice which i doubt

    • Hamid Kareem (3/18/2008 8:02:00 AM) Post reply Stage

      i ant find rhyming..... but maybe i failed to notice which i doubt

  • John Farley (3/11/2008 6:33:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    I guess all cultures and people can apply rhyming in their own particular vernacular, see that! ! . I'm just an ordinary Aussie bloke, that's how I write.
    We call it 'Bush Poetry and Prose', many hours of fun I have had, new words, new meanings. Many words get clipped, like;
    'I'll get there, did'nt I tell yer, I'm invinciple, I'm a winnin'.
    You beauty, nearly there, - of log ore my got, the -'s got me, I'm goin' swimmen'.

  • Coreena Dejesus (3/10/2008 8:23:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Looking for some constructive criticism, I've always just wrote poems but actually want to improve on writing them. If my 'poet experts' could read a few of my poems and give me some advise i would highly apperciate it. Thanks in advance.

  • Snowheart Axisetreme (2/10/2008 4:11:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    Love’s Pity—A Period With No Fairytale

    Msn: axise@hotmail.com
    Email: france1@163.com
    QQ: 252084610
    Tele: 13782917059


    Love’s Pity—A Period With No Fairytale
    -Lily Story

    By the carved window tossing the flower
    Outside the lovely lily standing the tower
    Next to the young petal the princess heaves a cry
    Even this not holds her blush flaming shy

    The cell she wrapped was so high
    High enough to touch the sky
    The sky watches, expect to escape she count on love, of great power
    So all days she just waits, the sun and star lights give a daily shower

    While the coming rescue was a trick
    So how angry feels the beautiful lily
    The princess gets ferocious and sick
    Lay in bed so silly

    No one willing to take a risk, love’s pity
    To trade lover’s live with their own, not a duty
    The conscious lays in vague, and eyes too, misty
    Silent and sorrowful dying is the princess, poor beauty

    韵 律 : a-a-b-b-b-b-a-a
    c-d-c-d-e-e-e-e


    真 爱 之 伤
    -百 合 传 说
    镂 空 的 窗 边 摇 曳 着 娇 花
    娇 花 的 外 边 矗 立 着 高 塔
    娇 花 丛 中 的 公 主 悲 叹 着 泪 下
    即 便 这 般 忧 伤 也 不 掩 她 玉 颜 粉 面 的 羞 晕 飞 霞

    她 身 陷 的 巨 塔 高 耸 参 天
    只 有 闪 烁 的 星 星 才 有 缘 与 她 相 见
    不 过 , 她 已 将 自 己 一 生 的 命 运 托 付 给 了 神 奇 美 妙 的 爱 情
    因 此 她 披 星 戴 月 , 终 日 等 待 着 心 上 梦 中 之 人 救 她 于 樊 笼 陷 阱

    可 是 , 可 是 那 渴 望 已 久 的 伟 大 拯 救
    其 实 只 是 她 日 夜 期 盼 空 造 出 来 的 海 市 蜃 楼
    窗 边 的 百 合 有 力 为 世 人 的 薄 情 而 怨 愤 许 久
    却 无 力 抗 拒 凋 零 万 蕊 的 冷 酷 清 秋

    美 丽 的 公 主 终 于 伤 痛 成 疾
    颊 上 的 红 晕 也 已 销 声 匿 迹
    蜷 缩 床 角 的 脆 弱 身 子 多 么 无 力
    秋 雨 也 为 她 的 无 助 而 伤 神 啜 泣

    世 间 人 人 盼 望 得 到 公 主 的 温 语 缠 绵
    却 没 有 一 个 甘 冒 生 命 危 险 挺 身 救 援
    我 们 也 无 法 指 摘 说 享 受 各 自 的 快 乐 是 他 们 自 私 冷 漠 的 错 误
    的 确 , 为 了 心 爱 的 人 献 出 自 己 的 生 命 并 非 不 可 推 卸 的 义 务

    只 可 惜 美 丽 的 百 合 凋 零 地 多 么 孤 苦
    满 怀 忧 伤 的 痛 哭 开 不 出 一 条 爱 的 道 路
    朦 胧 的 泪 眼 中 游 离 着 的 意 识 清 晰 地 写 满 了 无 助
    单 纯 的 眼 睛 看 爱 看 得 多 么 盲 如 隔 雾


    诗 情 天 子 自 云 :

    没 有 纯 爱 的 时 代 多 么 遗 憾
    伤 感 翻 涌 禁 不 住 苦 泪 涟 涟
    觅 到 拯 救 我 的 知 心 是 我 今 生 最 大 的 心 愿
    擦 干 泪 眼 , 再 次 等 待 绽 放 我 那 缤 纷 如 梦 的 明 天

    Replies for this message:
    • Hamid Kareem (2/25/2008 6:40:00 AM) Post reply Stage

      hey i like the rhyming but i think you were kind of dangling in btw the theme and your rhyming. you were trying so hard to make rhymes. believe if you let it come you can make this poem better than i ... more

  • CU2urDream Lost (2/2/2008 12:06:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    Looks easy hey, well it is. In fact it's so easy and fun and once you start you will be creating delightful, surprising and amusing variations all day long.

    Write the names of colours that contain only one syllable and along side write words that rhyme with each colour. Eventually, given some time and effort you will have a list similar to this: -

    Red


    · Wed, Said, Dead, Fed, Head, Lead and Bed.

    Blue


    · Who, Too, Two, Through, You, Shoe, Stew, Do, Few, Flu, Glue, Loo, Zoo and Clue.

    Pink


    · Wink, Rink, Sink, Stink, Drink, Kink, Link, Zinc, Blink and Mink.

    White


    · Right, Tight, Sight, Fight, Fright, Height, Kite, Light, Sight, Bright, Night and Might.

    Brown


    · Drown, Down, Town, Gown, Frown, Crown and Noun.

    Gold


    · Told, Poled, Sold, Fold, Hold, Cold, Bold and Mould.

    Gray


    · Way, Ray, Pay, Say, Day, Gay, Hey, Lay, Stay, Day, Fray, Clay, Bay and May.

    Green


    · Teen, Preen, Seen, Keen, Lean, Bean, Glean and Mean.

    OK, now you're ready for the fun and creative bit! Start off with a 'fill in the blank' poetry completion exercise and recite the following stanza, and fill in the blank at the end.

    If you pick 'Red' say:

    Roses are blue.
    Violets are red,
    If you think this is right,
    You have rocks in your HEAD

    If you pick 'blue' say:

    Roses are red.
    Violets are Blue,
    I'm sticking with you,
    Coz your made out of FEW

    If you pick 'Pink' say:

    Violets are blue.
    Roses are pink,
    Did you just fart,
    Or is that your feet that really STINK

    If you pick 'White' say:

    Roses are red.
    Snowflakes are white,
    Please be my Valentine
    Coz you're Mr RIGHT

    If you pick 'Green' say:

    Roses are red,
    Lizards are green,
    Did you know you have the longest tounge,
    I've ever SEEN

    Hope your getting the idea, your next step once you've caught on to the 'fill in the blank' idea is to complete an entire poem on your own.

    This is a quite a challenging exercise and one that can be worked on at anytime. Speaking of which, here's another poem for you: -

    Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    I made this poem up,
    Whilst sitting on the loo.

    Replies for this message:
    • Bonnie Collins (5/20/2008 11:00:00 PM) Post reply Stage

      This is funny, when I took Creative Writting all through high school, we this was one of the exersizes we had to learn the art of for example, use nouns with given words, list them then go back and to ... more

  • Ian Alexander (1/30/2008 2:19:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Hello anyone who reads this, if you like Rhyming, depending on what kinda of rhyming you have in mind, you might like to see what i have written, for the intellectual hip hop/slam poets, or.. just for people living life. Any questions, i'd love to answer em.



    As for the discussion, i find it just natural to go into a rhyme, i can't really seem to write anything without wanting to rhyme it. I guess it's just in my blood.
    Slam poetry is in the blood of Puerto Rican people, being Puerto Rican, i've got to carry this torch on.

  • Tiffanie Lau (1/28/2008 11:49:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    I usually write in iambic form. They are really the natural rhythm of the English language, just see poets like Shakespeare, Poe, Brownings use them, when read out they fit so nicely. And i agree that the limitation rhythm brings can force you to think in unconventional ways, and thus make your poems more interesting!

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