Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop
(1/28/2010 9:10:00 PM)
If you have time, could y'all read and comment on my new poem 'The Room'? It's a horror poem that uses alot of rhyme. Thanks!
(1/26/2010 10:04:00 PM)
'This one's for the lovers.'
'This one's for the lovers...'
The DJ rattled on,
But I liked the song a lot
Though I was dancing all alone.
And my heartbeat tried to warn me
While my feet battered the floor,
But the song's lyrics perfumed me
As you sauntered through the door...
I learned I should have battled
Against the DJ's catchy tune
Because he led me to fresh sadness
When the music stopped too soon.
Kyle S. Hamp
(1/24/2010 9:19:00 PM)
Dear fellow poets, if you have some time spare could you please check out my new poem 'A Broken Cookie' i will of course return the favour, any comments would be nice and constructive criticism is also welcome, thank you for reading this and i hope to read your work too, thanks for your time
(1/24/2010 1:18:00 PM)
'An Offbeat Annotation'
All the bleach that ever was couldn't wash it:
My first time.
In a thirty dollar room full of sin and stains
We chose to entertwine.
Waves of pot and uncertainty drenched my heart
And washed my mind.
We tossed around in cigarette butts
And on tart lust we dined.
Blood seeped through the fabric
Of the lumpy bed we rocked.
My lover smelled of sweat and gin.
Regret I stored in stock,
But I'd dreamt that it would be that way:
Fast and rough and hurried.
I only wish that I'd had a mind to run
As fast as my first scurried:
Left me numb and stupefied
With an offbeat annotation
Of drugs and hugs and last of love.
I needed more than a condom's protection.
Kyle S. Hamp
(1/19/2010 12:48:00 AM)
This has no beginning; the end, I can’t foresee,
so instead I bear the bruises, scars un-healing.
She says 'Never again, I’m sorry'
queasy with this unsettled feeling.
And I bear the bruises, scars un-healing
inflicted by my child’s hands;
I’m queasy with this unsettled feeling:
a love that rage commands,
inflicted by my child’s hands.
Continue to hold hope for the solace it can give,
but in a love that rage commands,
there is no room to live.
So she says 'Never again, I’m sorry'
this has no beginning—the end, I can’t foresee.
I’ll continue to hold hope for the solace it can give,
knowing there is no room to live.
(1/4/2010 10:20:00 AM)
Knowledge and overstanding reigns supreme amongst the chosen few, close to zero but without a use like singing the blues, I choose to cruise head above water, passive enlightenment for me has the ultimate muse.
So as I spread my wings and bring trauma to your corner of the morgue, the demons are bored.
You’re lucky you even clawed your way back into the contest, a self-proclaimed artisan on his own little conquest.
Don’t test the dynamo status that has this loser sinking faster than the lost city of atlantis.
The romantic seeker of truth, knowledge divine etched in my youth, looking for harmony in my chosen soul group,
With the spoof of tarnatino, I have drive like robert de-niro cos I remain stern under pressure like the one who accepts nothing lesser.
Always to always and down to a zero I play devil’s advocate with words like al pacino,
and if I find you in the street playing emo I’ll have to fight your cause and administer kemo,
Oh lord unleash the terror in me and help me on my way to the next life and a whole new legacy,
It’s a felony the fact that Im living my life with pharmaceutical remedies that administer more pain and strife.
I write rhymes to exfoliate and expose the notion of the apocalyptic golden wake.
I’ll spin the void and like pink floyd my unique stanza will grow with extravaganza on this high road of illumination, my words manifest with procrastination.
(12/26/2009 9:46:00 AM)
I like to repeat the same line in all stanzas of a poem - please, see it used in this poem: http: //www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-only-want-to-be-myself/
Can you, please, comment on this technique? Who else has used it?
(12/1/2009 1:17:00 AM)
Amor de lejos
Amor de lejos, amor prohibido,
Anoche sone contigo
Aldespertar comprendi, que nuestro amor no tiene sentido
Amor prohibido, hoy tu ya no eres mio,
Sin tu amor ya todo se ha perdido
Estoy sola con el alma desnuda, y siento frio
Sin tus besos estoy perdida y enterrada en el olvido
Amor de lejos, amor prohibido te vi partir y me ha dolido
Amor mio anoche sone contigo y al despertar
Comprendi con dolor que te habia perdido
Quisiera entender, y me es dificil aceptar
Que el amor de lejos ya no es amor
Donde quedaron los abrazos, donde acabo la pasion?
En el momento que te marchaste y me quede sin tu calor
Porque te fuiste Si yo te amaba? Siempre te llevare en el corazon
Con ansiedad espere tu regreso
Y me quede aqui, sola y desnuda del alma, recordando tus caricias recordando tus besos y recordando tu amor, como un tatuaje te llevare en el alma y por siempre en este humilde corazon.
(11/11/2009 11:46:00 AM)
| Read 4 replies
I comment on poems. So if you would like to know what i think about one of your poems then send me the title. I'll read it and comment. Im on Monday-Friday from 9-11am. This is in the United States. Eastern standard time. A few things to remember though... I enjoy reading poems that rhyme, it's like candy to my mind: -) ALSO, dont't forget, a good poet takes criticism into consideration.Replies for this message:
(12/7/2009 9:50:00 PM)
Amandamae: Please check out my work starting with A Friend on page one. I, like you, think that rhyming poems are the greatest. Thanks Lynn
(11/29/2009 2:14:00 AM)
Check out my new poem no inspiration lol, im a newbie but i am doin alright i could use some criticism.
Robert E Hann
(11/17/2009 1:43:00 AM)
If you appreciate good rhyme perhaps you will read some of mine. Skunk's Birthday Party's one I think where Skunk is troubled by the stink. But soon he comes out of his fog and suggests Princess ... more
(11/16/2009 4:22:00 PM)
tell me what you think of them i hope ... more
- Lynn Glover (12/7/2009 9:50:00 PM) Post reply
(11/6/2009 8:08:00 AM)
| Read 1 reply
I comment on poems. So if you would like to know what i think about one of your poems then send me the title. I'll read it and comment. Im on Monday-Friday from 9-11am. This is in the United States. Eastern standard time. A few things to remember though... I enjoy reading poems that rhyme, it's like candy to my mind. ALSO, dont't forget, a good poet takes criticism into consideration.