Treasure Island

Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


Post a message
  • Kaspa Richards (1/24/2010 9:19:00 PM) Post reply

    Dear fellow poets, if you have some time spare could you please check out my new poem 'A Broken Cookie' i will of course return the favour, any comments would be nice and constructive criticism is also welcome, thank you for reading this and i hope to read your work too, thanks for your time

    kaspa richards

    http: //www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-broken-cookie/

  • Kyle Hamp Rookie - 1st Stage (1/24/2010 1:18:00 PM) Post reply

    'An Offbeat Annotation'

    All the bleach that ever was couldn't wash it:
    My first time.
    In a thirty dollar room full of sin and stains
    We chose to entertwine.

    Waves of pot and uncertainty drenched my heart
    And washed my mind.
    We tossed around in cigarette butts
    And on tart lust we dined.

    Blood seeped through the fabric
    Of the lumpy bed we rocked.
    My lover smelled of sweat and gin.
    Regret I stored in stock,

    But I'd dreamt that it would be that way:
    Fast and rough and hurried.
    I only wish that I'd had a mind to run
    As fast as my first scurried:

    Left me numb and stupefied
    With an offbeat annotation
    Of drugs and hugs and last of love.
    I needed more than a condom's protection.

    Kyle S. Hamp

  • Kim Keith Rookie - 1st Stage (1/19/2010 12:48:00 AM) Post reply

    Sanctuary


    This has no beginning; the end, I can’t foresee,
    so instead I bear the bruises, scars un-healing.
    She says 'Never again, I’m sorry'
    queasy with this unsettled feeling.

    And I bear the bruises, scars un-healing
    inflicted by my child’s hands;
    I’m queasy with this unsettled feeling:
    a love that rage commands,

    inflicted by my child’s hands.
    Continue to hold hope for the solace it can give,
    but in a love that rage commands,
    there is no room to live.

    So she says 'Never again, I’m sorry'
    this has no beginning—the end, I can’t foresee.
    I’ll continue to hold hope for the solace it can give,
    knowing there is no room to live.

  • Matthew Western Rookie - 1st Stage (1/4/2010 10:20:00 AM) Post reply

    Knowledge and overstanding reigns supreme amongst the chosen few, close to zero but without a use like singing the blues, I choose to cruise head above water, passive enlightenment for me has the ultimate muse.
    So as I spread my wings and bring trauma to your corner of the morgue, the demons are bored.
    You’re lucky you even clawed your way back into the contest, a self-proclaimed artisan on his own little conquest.
    Don’t test the dynamo status that has this loser sinking faster than the lost city of atlantis.
    The romantic seeker of truth, knowledge divine etched in my youth, looking for harmony in my chosen soul group,
    With the spoof of tarnatino, I have drive like robert de-niro cos I remain stern under pressure like the one who accepts nothing lesser.
    Always to always and down to a zero I play devil’s advocate with words like al pacino,
    and if I find you in the street playing emo I’ll have to fight your cause and administer kemo,
    Oh lord unleash the terror in me and help me on my way to the next life and a whole new legacy,
    It’s a felony the fact that Im living my life with pharmaceutical remedies that administer more pain and strife.
    I write rhymes to exfoliate and expose the notion of the apocalyptic golden wake.

    I’ll spin the void and like pink floyd my unique stanza will grow with extravaganza on this high road of illumination, my words manifest with procrastination.

  • Slava Olchevski Rookie - 1st Stage (12/26/2009 9:46:00 AM) Post reply

    Hello.

    I like to repeat the same line in all stanzas of a poem - please, see it used in this poem: http: //www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-only-want-to-be-myself/
    Can you, please, comment on this technique? Who else has used it?

    Thank you.

  • Elvira Gasser Rookie - 1st Stage (12/1/2009 1:17:00 AM) Post reply

    Amor de lejos

    Amor de lejos, amor prohibido,
    Anoche sone contigo
    Aldespertar comprendi, que nuestro amor no tiene sentido
    Amor prohibido, hoy tu ya no eres mio,

    Sin tu amor ya todo se ha perdido
    Estoy sola con el alma desnuda, y siento frio
    Sin tus besos estoy perdida y enterrada en el olvido
    Amor de lejos, amor prohibido te vi partir y me ha dolido

    Amor mio anoche sone contigo y al despertar
    Comprendi con dolor que te habia perdido
    Quisiera entender, y me es dificil aceptar
    Que el amor de lejos ya no es amor
    Donde quedaron los abrazos, donde acabo la pasion?
    En el momento que te marchaste y me quede sin tu calor
    Porque te fuiste Si yo te amaba? Siempre te llevare en el corazon

    Con ansiedad espere tu regreso
    Y me quede aqui, sola y desnuda del alma, recordando tus caricias recordando tus besos y recordando tu amor, como un tatuaje te llevare en el alma y por siempre en este humilde corazon.

    9/27/09

  • Amandamae =) Rookie - 1st Stage (11/11/2009 11:46:00 AM) Post reply | Read 4 replies

    I comment on poems. So if you would like to know what i think about one of your poems then send me the title. I'll read it and comment. Im on Monday-Friday from 9-11am. This is in the United States. Eastern standard time. A few things to remember though... I enjoy reading poems that rhyme, it's like candy to my mind: -) ALSO, dont't forget, a good poet takes criticism into consideration.

    Replies for this message:
    • Lynn Glover (12/7/2009 9:50:00 PM) Post reply

      Amandamae: Please check out my work starting with A Friend on page one. I, like you, think that rhyming poems are the greatest. Thanks Lynn

    • a a (11/29/2009 2:14:00 AM) Post reply

      Check out my new poem no inspiration lol, im a newbie but i am doin alright i could use some criticism.

    • Robert E Hann (11/17/2009 1:43:00 AM) Post reply

      If you appreciate good rhyme perhaps you will read some of mine. Skunk's Birthday Party's one I think where Skunk is troubled by the stink. But soon he comes out of his fog and suggests Princess ... more

    • eli Gr (11/16/2009 4:22:00 PM) Post reply

      tell me what you think of them i hope ... more

  • Amandamae =) Rookie - 1st Stage (11/6/2009 8:08:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    I comment on poems. So if you would like to know what i think about one of your poems then send me the title. I'll read it and comment. Im on Monday-Friday from 9-11am. This is in the United States. Eastern standard time. A few things to remember though... I enjoy reading poems that rhyme, it's like candy to my mind. ALSO, dont't forget, a good poet takes criticism into consideration.

    Replies for this message:
    • Stephen Stirk (11/9/2009 2:16:00 PM) Post reply

      Also, don't forget. It is vital that 'a good poet' gives contructive and evaluated criticism

  • Luis Rosendo Medel Rookie - 1st Stage (10/27/2009 11:21:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    hello, i'm new in this site
    and as most of members of here
    i try to write poetry, i've written almost only in spanish (my mother tongue)
    and now i'm trying to go beyond, i'm studing english philology but i don't have yet a wide knowdlege about rhyme and meter in english. In spanish i can use it quite easy but spanish and english has different structure in phonologic level. So, i hope someone can explain how to make meter in english and also which poetic licenses there are in english.

    Replies for this message:
    • Elvira Gasser (12/1/2009 12:57:00 AM) Post reply

      Hi, Luis I'm also new here and as you I write mainly in spanish, somehow the words just flow, and I get inspired, if you don't mind I would like to share some of my poems in spanish, I really want to ... more

  • Lazarus Knix Rookie - 1st Stage (10/15/2009 1:30:00 AM) Post reply

    I'd be honored if some of you would be so kind as to read my poems, and critique accordingly. Thank you.

[Hata Bildir]