(2/23/2009 12:55:00 PM)
Hello all....New boy here.
Not sure if i will even get a single comment
but still, why do I feel i must
I have posted my first ever poem online
to your interpretation i trust
I would really appreciate any feedback on 'consequence'. I have written other pieces in my 'pad' but I think i lack confidence in my ability to write. Do i write poems or lyrics or something else? i'm not sure.
Why do i feel the need to fit into a box?
Thanks for reading.....
(2/20/2009 9:19:00 AM)
| Read 1 reply
Hello Everyone. Kindly read my serious Shakesperian poem
'Dawns First Light'. It took me 38.72 years to write it and
I have written it without any of the red words which are
banned. Dawns First Light is about a woman who buys a torch.
No................I don't want to spoil it for you.
DAWNS FIRST LIGHT
As Dawn breaks pale and grey from darkened sleep
Dispels the clouds which out of nightfall creep
As Dawn awakes projects her shadow through the door
The sky mutates I watch it turn azure
As Dawn peeks through the window pane
To signify first light of morn again
As Dawn dresses the window in blinding light
And gives the gazing soul a gorgeous sight
As Dawn caresses all that wake in daylight fair
As light and sun lay Dawns sweet virtue bare
As Dawns gown falls, and breaks to morning time
As Dawns new beauty helped to craft this rhyme
As Dawn stands by the window my heart flickers
Leave the window Dawn! at least put on some knickers
(12/23/2008 5:14:00 PM)
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'A Finger In Your Nose'
You shouldn't put your finger
deep within your nose!
It really doesn't look too sheik!
and it's not where it should go!
Now if your digging for gold nuggets!
then your not digging where they're at!
Your fingers are suppose to do other things
like maybe tip or maybe tap?
Now when you place a digit there
deep where it can't be seen!
You may pull out a big surprise
something sticky and colored green!
(12/23/2008 11:00:00 AM)
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'Old Braided Rug'
I found an old hand made braided rug
at a thrifty store, the other day.
It was quite a dirty sight to see
with some of its edges frayde.
I bought it up and rushed it home!
to give this little rug, a gentle loving needed bath.
And when it was cleaned, there was seen
braided memories of someone's past.
One braided rope weaved into another
a child's pajamas or maybe a robe?
Then an old flour bag, 'Velvet Flour'
was the logo, in this rug they'd sewed.
Then what looked to be a small center piece
remnants of someone's wedding gown.
I think they placed it there on purpose
Sort of like this little rugs, jeweled crown.
Memories of someone's life
braided into this useful little rug.
To place in front of a sink or bed
giving where ever placed, a little braided hug.
I don't know if anyone still makes them
these journals of a persons past?
But this little braided rug is now mine to treasure
to be enjoyed as long as it will last.
(12/21/2008 3:05:00 AM)
(12/16/2008 10:11:00 PM)
Hello there ^-^
I was wondering if someone would be so kind as to take a look at the poem I have written. (I gather this is a pretty standard request to be asking, nor do I expect much response) .
Any criticism is welcome, as long as it is constructive and not just rude.
Thank you very much,
(12/8/2008 3:58:00 PM)
i am new to this whole site and just added a couple of poems! i have not written in years so if you all could crit and help me to regain my poetic-ness again! i would really appreciate it!
(11/30/2008 6:28:00 AM)
well iv only been writing around a month or two, so i was hoping that you guys would be willing to take some of your valuable time to have a read and tell me what you think, leave me some comments and ratings please :)
also i never though there was a SPECIFIC way poetry should be written, i just believe it should come from the heart, so not all of mine will rhyme and some may even be more story like but give them a chance!
Karima Astrid P
(11/22/2008 3:23:00 AM)
please check out my poems..and hope you leave some comments
(11/16/2008 10:20:00 PM)
I have recently posted a poem called Notes... I would love feedback!
Also my poems
Bless all of you