(9/12/2013 9:34:00 AM)
This is a very good poem! It portrays the struggle between false fulfillment and real deprivation.
May I suggest that you shift some of the longer lines on a new line for emphasis on that part of the poem?
" But I still find
A meaningless smile on my lips
Every time I think
Here, the emphasis is on " A meaningless..." and " Of you" .
I find that this is a good way to draw the reader's attention to certain parts of the poem.
Comment of the Day
- Why is the link to the forum missing from the top-page orange bar???
Is it just me, or is this circumstance ascribed to all?